


A Mother Anyway

by KingJulienne



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Big brother Levi, Child Eren Yeager, Child Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dad!Erwin, Depression, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, F/M, Family, Female Hange Zoë, Hope, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Levi you precious baby, Little Brother Eren, Miscarriage, Mom!Hange, Past Child Abuse, Recovery, Reflection, Then and Now, Yes Female Hange, cancer mention, eating disorder mention, fathers, growth mention, mothers, past child neglect mention, prior parents were drug addicts/dealers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingJulienne/pseuds/KingJulienne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Hanji mistook a growth for pregnancy, it was hard for her to make a full recovery. Then her husband Erwin surprises her on the first day of a new year, bringing her to meet two brothers he adopted into their family. He gifted her with the keys to become a mom anyway, and Hanji begins her true recovery as she raises Eren and his big brother, Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> Okay okay  
> So some things.  
> I write female Hange! So if that bothers you, or you don't read female Hange, I suggest you don't read this fic. Thank you! :D

On the first day of the year, decidedly the unluckiest, Hanji braved the doctor’s office for prescription pain medication. Not that she feared the doctor, or what they might diagnose. She’d been having severe stomach troubles and her menstruations crippled her for longer, though she may or may not bleed. Erwin had given his deductions on the matter during the times he took off work to treat her, and agreed getting something for the agony was the best choice. The swell to her belly had her ecstatic that she finally, finally might bear a child of her own.

She left the hospital about a month after she went in, a mother to a growth.

Everyone had cancer cells within them, the doctor assured her. Some remain dormant while others find their prime position, carve through it, and expand their territory. Hanji should consider herself blessed that they caught the cancer before it became so malicious they couldn’t save her, they said.

In response, Hanji asked to keep her peculiar, life-changing growth in a jar: it would be a memento that she grew something inside of her, once.

She got home from recovery in April, Erwin checking and comforting her as he helped her into the car, as he squeezed her forearm at each stop light, as he helped her to the front door, where he unlocked it and Hanji heard the chambers clunk. He observed her as she cradled her jar to her chest, the fluids the growth floated in rocking with her steps past his warmth and inside.

“I think it looks like me, Erwin,” she said. Then she asked, “Does it look like me, Erwin?”

“Do you want something to eat, Hanji?” Erwin asked her.

“Oh no, no,” Hanji said, her voice fluttering, “I’m fine.”

“How about some TV?” Erwin asked. "TV sounds good?"

She sighed. “No,” Hanji tucked the jar to her chest. “I kind of like the silence today, if you don’t mind.”

Erwin hesitated. “I see.”

Hanji inclined her chin, moving as though she didn’t know this house or anything in it, but figured out where to go, continuing down the hall toward her office. She entered her mess of a workspace, papers and reports and half-finished things every which where. She put the jar on top of the bookshelf, above all the books she studied, all her copies of the reports she filed at work, all the pictures of herself, her husband, their family.

She didn’t give it any company up there, where the dust collected and where cobwebs weaved their way across the ceiling. She simply set the growth up there, climbed down from the chair she used as assistance and stared up at it.

The top of the bookshelf became a place she could no longer hope to reach, or tried to.

She felt her husband’s eyes on her again, pinioned to the whole of her to culminate a solution to the problem. She supposed she worried him with how she decided to deal with it. He continued to eye her as if dissertating an answer into May, their conversations circumnavigating the issue only to stall.

“When do you want to talk about it?” Erwin asked her occasionally, breaching through the silence whenever he had.

She always hesitated before her response. Never looking at him. She needed to talk about it like she needed to toss out her meals.

She answered him the same way: a smile on her face as she gripped her book a bit tighter and said, “There’s nothing to talk about.”

And into July, and onto August, Hanji gradually stopped jogging with Erwin in the mornings. Ever since March, skipping meals to “work” or “study new material for the lab” were her explanations for not eating or leaving her office. Hanji often felt Erwin watching her stand or sit in front of that bookshelf, looking up at the jar with her hands rubbing her stomach.

Eating together became an equivalent exchange: Erwin watched her sip at a bowl of soup and only then took a spoonful of his own. That he waited for her to eat first kept her eating; but she occasionally asked to stop.

“I’m quite full, Erwin.”

“You haven’t finished.”

She had laughed. “We took a lot of turns with that big lunch, don’t you remember?”

Yet she had forced herself to eat into the winter, her tongue dead to the taste as she ate for someone else.

Her meals after that had gone into the blender until creamed to be poured in the trash, her body leaning toward the can as if she meant to toss herself in there, too. Whenever her husband caught her, Hanji passed it off as dizziness. Erwin peered passed her words in a way that made Hanji worry about herself, too.

Each night, mainly during the colder season, she often snuggled to his chest to feign sleep, only to wake up face first in a puddle right over his heart.

“It seems I’ve drooled this time, too, Erwin,” she said, wiping her eyes. His thumbs had brushed across her lower eyelids like she told him this every time, and she flinched at the truth of it. Erwin took the back of her head and cradled her back to his chest.

“Then I suppose you should drool some more,” Erwin had said, his hand stroking her hair. “You need the rest.”

Hanji had chuckled, closing her eyes at the stinging in them as she gripped his shirt, and she slumped her weight on him.

“I suppose you’re right.”

She smiled all she wanted; she accompanied her husband to Christmas dinner parties, and laughed and socialized, glad that ambiance concealed the true nature of her health. But she couldn’t hide from Erwin. Erwin had been hiding something from her, however, and he wouldn’t say a word. She was intelligent and so was her husband; his beautiful mind was worth studying. However, there were times when asking outright fruited better efforts.

He’d just ask her, “Are you ready to talk about it?”

To which she’d answer, “Are you going to tell me what you’re up to, Erwin?”

He didn’t give her any information, as much as she didn’t talk about her surgery. He simply continued heading out someplace a handful Saturdays—sometimes weekdays as well—out of the year. He treated her like he fell in love with her all over again; when she caught him watching her stare at her growth in her office sometimes, she’d catch him smiling.

The New Year came around again, and this year, Erwin said he had a surprise trip planned.

“Wherever are we going, Erwin?”

“Patience, dear.” He kissed her cheek. “You’ll love it, I promise.”

And patient she was; she’d been patient for months. Hanji viewed the trees passing by their car; she leaned forward whenever the car slowed and then leaned back as the car started up, her favorite radio station playing the odd folk music to which she enjoyed so much last year.

The Wings of Freedom Care home was the last place she expected Erwin to stop. Hanji stammered out an excuse to remain in the car, where her eyes burned, and her heart lodged itself in her neck. Her hands shielded her womb from vacating the vehicle.

Erwin left the car, a promise to be back on his lips. When the door closed, Hanji swallowed slick anxiety down her throat. Fidgeting in the car, watching the door as her hands caressed soothing into her stomach; the silence even blocked the sound of her breathing from her. What kind of surprise was this?

Then Erwin returned, tossing some sort of salutation back into the care home, a couple bags over his shoulder and a bundle to his chest. He leaned to the side, eyes flicking to that direction as if checking on something.

Hanji strained her eyes, looking at him. “Erwin?” she mouthed.

He gestured for her to get out of the car, his blue eyes wide and bright. Watching her. Telling her without telling her where he’d been off to for the past many months.

Hanji fumbled with the door, easing herself out. She leaned against the vehicle to keep herself upright. She flicked her eyes down at the child beside him, and then to Erwin.

“Erwin, what…” Hanji laughed bit, her hand over her heart, the other on her stomach. “Who?”

“Hanji,” Erwin said, approaching her. The excitement was in his voice, in the smile on his face. He brought before her a steel-eyed boy with jet hair, watching her with a kitten’s scrutiny; Erwin turned around in his arm a chubby-cheeked infant, one eye silver gold and the other eye a startling blue green, both eyes full of life.

Hanji stumbled on her breath; her emotions were in her throat.

Erwin, by the boy’s little hand, brought the steel-eyed child in front of him; the little one looked back at him, then up at her, saying nothing, just observing.

“This is Levi,” Erwin explained. Hanji removed her hand off her stomach to wave her fingers at him, refraining from blinking in fear that if she did, the two would disappear. Erwin looked to the child in his arms, who had locked his heterochromatic eyes on Hanji. “And this is Eren. Our sons, starting today.”

Hanji thought of the growth up on the shelf in her bookshelf, though miles away at home, wasn’t so far away anymore. Her words finally found her, and she took little to no time at all to say them.

“Hi sons,” She said as she crouched down in front of Levi. Erwin crouched down and passed Eren to her, who she took into her arms as if she’d been born to hold him. Hanji’s eyes flooded over with tears, a true smile on her face. She touched Levi’s hair, causing the child to blink. “I’m Mom.”

Levi was the first to address her. “Hi, Mom,” he said, taking the hem of his shirt into his hand. He dabbed at her face, sighing. “Your face is dirty.”

Hanji laughed, leaning into his little hand as he cleaned her face. “Then I’m lucky to have you to clean it, aren’t I?”

She wrapped her arm around him and hugged him close, too, despite his sputtering protests about her face still being wet and gross. She cuddled them, laughing and grinning so much her stomach hurt. Eren laughed a bit too, his arms around her neck, her wet cheek to his wet cheek, as he’d picked up on her crying and shed some tears, too.

The rumble that followed called out to hunger. “Did you fart, or are you hungry?” Levi asked.

“Would you like something to eat today, Hanji?” Erwin asked her. Hanji beamed at him.

“Yes, Erwin,” she agreed, standing with her babies. “Let’s go eat.”

Though she couldn't have any kids of her own, she had become a mother anyway. This, by far, was the luckiest day of her life. +


	2. Reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some habits you can't kick. Insomnia's a biatch.

It was a habit she tumbled into in her mourning, to sit up in her office and read.

It didn’t matter what found her hands: a newspaper from last week, an old report riddled with mistakes that she could laugh off by now, or oddly enough some of Erwin’s old essays from college. She never seemed to come across her own in that aspect. And yet, she found herself incapable of lying beside her husband to rest at night because her mind was decidedly not as tired as her heart—and her body—proved to be.

Of course that was a different time. Now she was caught doing it out of habit.

She flipped through an old book of fairy tales, the spine nestled in the crook her knee and the desk’s edge created, her hand that did not turn the yellowed pages keeping her chin up. She’d been reading of a sea princess turning into sea foam after being scorned by who she believed was her true love, and Hanji figured that these were not stories she could read to her children and easily get away with.

Oh, that’s right, she thought as she smiled. Children. The thought that still came across so unbelievably: she was a mother.

The car had never felt so lively. On the way to the restaurant and subsequently the way home, the world Hanji passed was even brighter and more beautiful, the details of which she enjoyed more and for less time, chattering with her babies.

Hanji even sat between Levi and Eren’s car seats in the back seat, entertained by Levi’s level of vocabulary and Eren’s attempts at words. If she could hold them both in her lap while driving in the car without endangering them, she would never let them go, though Levi might protest. She asked questions to get conversation going. She loved their little voices.

“How old are you, Levi?” she asked him.

The boy looked at her, a stoic expression on his face. It seemed to be his default as he held up his whole hand. “This many.”

“Wow, five?” Hanji said, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise as Levi’s turned down in confusion. “You’re very grown up, aren’t you?”

He pouted at her. “No.” He raised his hand higher, holding it up to her face as much as his car seat would allow. “This many.” He determined the number in a moment’s notice. “Four.”

“Oh, Four! No wonder,” Hanji chuckled, tapping the tips of his fingers with one of her own, “you’ve got one too many fingers up, Levi,” Hanji explained.

Levi stared at his blasphemous fingers, his eyes crinkling in the corners. He wiggled his fingers about, never quite getting four, somehow ending on some crinkled rendition of five, even backtracking to three, eyebrows shooting up in alarm when he managed two. Each time, his brow furrowed deeper.

“Four.” He huffed. “No.” He tried again. “Four?”

“Three,” Hanji said, breaking the news to him gently, failing at keeping a smile off her face. She flicked her glance at Erwin in the front seat, his smile in his eyes in the rearview mirror as they rode the curve of the highway.

Eren, excitable by all the noise, tried his hand at the word “Four”. “Or,” he cried.

Hanji turned to him as his eyes looked to her for confirmation. “Almost, Eren,” she assured him.

“Or!” he tried, holding up his hand as his brother had.

“See, Four.” Levi said, gesturing to Eren’s hand. He held up his hand too. “I knew this was four.”

If she wasn’t so amused, Hanji would’ve felt chastised. “Oh, but he’s got too many fingers up, too, Levi,” Hanji said. “Four looks like this,” she held up four fingers, her thumb folded against her palm. “See? Four.”

“Or?” Eren said.

“Four,” Levi corrected Eren. “Fff. Don’t forget the fff part, Eren.”

Hanji turned to Eren, his cheeks puffed as he made the fff of “four.” He proved quite stuck on the “fff”, as much as Levi had been stuck on getting his hand to make four.

Hanji had laughed that time, and now she found herself smiling at her book, at a loss for her place or what story she’d even been reading. She laughed, leaning more into her hand as she stared between the lines, reading her luckiest memory.

“That’s a funny book?”

Hanji looked up. Levi stood in the doorway, one of the bears the family purchased on the way home today dragging along the floor behind him, as though it’d rather be in bed itself but was forced along.

Hanji smiled at him. “Not necessarily. Morning, Levi,” she said.

He had a fist to his eye, a yawn stretching his face. He tried to speak at the same time. “It’s still dark, though.”

“Ah, that’s right, but according to the clock, it’s morning time,” she explained, after seeing it was nigh on 2 AM. She wondered why Levi was up, but even Hanji admitted to having a rough time sleeping through the night in a new place. Eren had only woken up once so far, so she supposed it was Levi’s turn now.

So Hanji closed the book and pushed it across the desk, lowering her knee so she could stand. She didn’t get to move much: Levi had put himself in motion as well, padding into the room just as Hanji made to get out of her seat. She settled back into it as he bumped into her knee, walking a bit too far.

“What’re you reading?” he asked, yawning again. Hanji brushed his hair with her hand, and she turned to stare at the book.

“Just a book of stories,” she said.

“Stories?” Levi murmured.

Hanji nodded, humming in affirmative. “They’re a bit scary though. I’m not sure if you want to hear them this late at night.”

“You read them, right?” Levi asked. “And you said it was morning.” Hanji turned to him. He had that look in his eyes; a look that Hanji had associated with stubbornness.

Eren had gotten that look in his eyes at the restaurant, when Hanji offered him a bit of pineapple rather than the bread he’d been mushing between his gums and few teeth. She eventually got her way, and Eren found he liked pineapple.

Hanji didn’t know whether to be upset or amused. A mother for a handful of hours and her children were already trying to rebel.

“I can read them if it’s morning,” Levi assured her. “Only Eren gets scared.”

“Oh, then it’s good that he has you to watch him, huh?” Hanji said. Levi bumped his shoulder against his cheek. How sleepy he was kindled his level of sass as well. “And by the way. You can read, Levi?”

“Of course I can read,” he said, trying to climb up her lap now. “I showed Danchou.”

That was right; Erwin had been doing visitations during the adoption process and leaving the house on Saturdays and some days out of the week. Hanji would’ve thought he was up to other business, but as Erwin had told her early in their relationship, it was impossible for him to love anyone but her.

“Then let’s read together, huh?” Hanji suggested. With a nod from Levi and a raise of his arm—she didn’t know how much she enjoyed the gesture for lifting until it’d happened—Hanji lifted him up into her lap. He settled and wrapped his arm around his bear’s waist, putting his other elbow on the desk and using his hand to hold his head up. Hanji could tell by the way he leaned over her arm that he would be sleeping soon.

Bringing the book over with her free hand, she opened to one of the tamer stories. “Ready, Levi? Would you like to go first?”

Stifling a yawn, only to sigh it, Levi pulled the book closer. “Okay,” he said, like it was the greatest effort to go first. “You go next the next time.”

“Of course.” Hanji leaned her head over Levi’s shoulder so she could read to, watching him as he stared at the page. It’d been such a long time, Hanji wondered if he could actually read. The first word left his mouth in a huff, and he started reading from there. Levi moved through the words slow and tentative, rounding them out only to cut them out when he got them. He occasionally slapped his finger in the book to ask, “What’s that say again?”

After explaining the word and how to say it, Levi would either wrinkle his brow and question her or continue down the sentence. Hanji rocked them from side to side as he read, in part her excitement and in part to rock her son to sleep. It surprised her how Levi was capable of reading without following the words with his finger. Also, to her surprise, Hanji’s eye lids lowered, her rocking leaning a bit closer to the desk. Before long she’d closed her eyes.

The reading and rocking thing actually worked. She’d have to thank that book later.

“Hey,” Levi called, jarring Hanji out of sleep, but not enough to get her eyes open. “Hey. Mommy. Mommy, are you sleep? Did you sleep on me?” Levi patted her on the glasses. “Mommy. Mommy. Go to bed. I’m not a pillow.”

“Aw, Levi, Mommy’s tired,” Hanji mumbled. “Let her sleep some more okay?”

“Sleep in your bed,” Levi chastised. “Not on your baby.”

Hanji pouted. Eventually she opened her eyes and picked herself up and Levi, her free arm hooked under his legs. Hanji chuckled at the fact that she was carrying him like a cat out of her office and into her room.

“My room’s the other way,” Levi told her.

“Oh, but when we can’t sleep, we go bother Poppa,” Hanji said, yawning for the first time that night. “Erwin,” she sang into the room. She called him by his title at work, “Danchou.”

He stirred from her first call, and shuffled onto his back, flicking on the nightstand light by the second, his blond hair in sleep’s disarray. “Problem, Buchou?” he rumbled, his eyes lidded with sleep. Hanji climbed into the bed with Levi still in her arms.

“Me and Heichou can’t sleep,” she said, lying down on her side finally. “So we’re coming to snuggle with Danchou.”

“Snuggling’s weird. And who’s Heichou?” Levi asked, looking back at her.

“You’re Heichou,” she assured him. Levi’s eyes seemed to brighten at that. He liked that idea, didn’t he? Erwin chuckled, a sleepy, loving look in his eyes. He reached over to brush her hair gently, stopping to take her glasses off her face, fold them and set them on the nightstand beside him. By the time the weight of Erwin’s arm draped over her side and the light was off, Levi nestled with his bear, snoring softly between them, Hanji was drifting off into sleep. For the first time in a long time, she actually felt tired when she slept, and she actually went to sleep with a smile on her face and a warmth in her chest.

Then Eren’s cry from the other room pierced the silence.

“What do we call him?” Levi murmured.

Erwin’s chuckle put a smile on Hanji’s face, even in her drowsiness. She made to get up, when she felt the bed dip on the other side. Erwin smiled against her brow, rubbing her arm gently. All of which ushered her back into bed and back to sleep. +


	3. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Eren spend some time together while Hanji and Levi sleep.

 

Erwin learned to keep a calm, cool head quite quickly in his line of work, where the decisions that required effort and risk taking were the norm, and a plan was more uniform than the outcome. Even so, surprises still found a way of slipping in and jostling his calm, especially concerning something he had yet to encounter.

This had nothing to do with Eren waking him or Hanji up in the night to attend to him; he was in a new house, with new people, and was a baby who had yet to learn how to use the toilet, so naturally it would take him a while to get used to his new surroundings. It had more to do—all to do with Eren wailing in what could only be determination as he stepped on stuffed animals and pillow alike to heft his little body over the railing of his crib. If he aimed to escape, he was making a mess of it; quiet was key in this sense.

Erwin walked in just as Eren rolled over the railing, free-falling the last portion of his plan.

“Fwee!” He called as he made his descent.

Erwin shouted in surprise, “No, Eren!”

Leaping into action Erwin lunged forward, catching the boy and clutching him to his chest. The next thing he wanted to catch was his breath, as the little boy, as dangerous as he was, started making his plea against Erwin’s chest, his fist curled in his shirt.

“Da fwee, Danchwo! Da fwee!”

Erwin sighed, glad he caught the baby, worrying that this was going to be a nightly occurrence. “Yes, Fwee, Ewen. Ewen is a fwee baby,” Erwin said, laughing at himself for picking up Eren’s speech impediment. He straightened, moving to the changing station to check Eren’s diaper through smell and touch. Sure Erwin had yet to get over cleaning up shit that wasn’t his, but this was something that came with practice.

“Now what’s the problem, Eren? You know Danchou only comes to the rescue when he hears the problem sirens.”

Eren wiggled on the changing table, watching Erwin’s eyes, chanting “Danchwo, Danchwo”. His wiggles went to his rhythm, as much as a two year old could wiggle on beat, and Erwin felt like he was back on the football field captaining college football between extensive research papers, studying, and courting Hanji. Eren had such an intense, interested gaze, filled with enthusiasm and energy, it made Erwin chuckle and look at his hands pulling the snaps on his onesie apart and pat his diaper.

“Well we’re dry as a desert and fresh as a daisy down there, Ewen,” Erwin said, clasping the buttons back into place. He looked at Eren. In addition to his gaze, Eren had a crease between his eyebrows that came from his frowning so much. When asked about it early in their meetings, Levi pinned it as Eren’s attempts to poop in varying levels of determination, all depending on how prominent the crease was, but the poop would never come out, so the crease stayed there as an angry, constipated crease. Erwin learned not to ask Levi things about Eren; the answers more often than not had something to do with defecating and the problems therein.

Erwin finished fastening the onesie back up and Eren continued to wriggle and frown at him. “What’s a matter, Eren?” Erwin said, reaching over and brushing his thumb over the space between Eren’s furrowed eyebrows.

Eren closed his eyes as Erwin rubbed back and forth, putting his hands on Erwin’s arm. The tense muscles relaxed and Erwin drew his fingers back, Eren’s eyes opening and the crease returning as the baby made an angry cry.

Erwin chuckled. “Oh, that’s it huh?” Erwin said, putting his thumb back and continuing where he left off. “Just needed someone to rub it for you, huh? That’s what it is, Ewen?”

Eren patted Erwin’s hand with his own little palms, making a less angry noise, and one that sounded happier, sleepier. And Erwin could only smile.

He figured he should complete the check; if Eren was dry, he might be hungry.

“Let’s go find something to eat, huh, little titan?” Erwin asked as he gathered the boy in his arms, keeping his thumb to the center of his forehead. Eren laid his head against Erwin’s shoulder for a moment; however, with the first step outside the room Eren popped up, bouncing. The length of the hall must’ve excited him.

“Wun!” Eren said, pointing down the hall. “Da wun, Danchwo?”

Erwin shushed Eren, continuing to stroke his forehead. “Well, it can’t hurt to wun, can it? Don’t go too fast, okay?”

“Go fwast!” Eren screeched as Erwin set him on his feet, a giggling speed demon. The boy waddled down the hall, a little brown haired bullet charging and war crying at the front door.

“No, Eren, come-”

Erwin jogged after him, bending down to snatch the boy up; Eren ducked between Erwin’s legs with another laugh and a cry, dashing in the other direction. Erwin turned on his heel and looked down the hall at Eren, his hair bobbing and his war cry warbling with how he bounced with every step.

“Here.”

Erwin sighed.

“He’s gonna need a sport.”

The thought excited him as much as he thought it might worry Hanji. Eren was nearing that wall though. Quickly, Erwin dashed after the baby, moving fast so he caught Eren before he either smacked into the wall and hurt himself or woke someone up with his yelling—he really was a little titan, making so much noise, like he was the only one in the house—and hooked his hands under Eren’s arms from behind, hefting him up and cuddling him to his chest.

“You’re a train with no stops today, huh, Ewen? My little titan?”

“Fwast! Da whoosh!” Eren said.

“Da whoosh is right. Da-” Erwin blew a raspberry on Eren cheek. Eren giggled and wriggled away, Erwin planting another one on his son’s cheek in Eren’s attempts to escape. Relieved he had him now, Erwin turned Eren around and bounced Eren, on their way to the kitchen. As he passed his and Hanji’s room he looked inside and smiled, glad they were still asleep.

“Bunchwo! Wevi-”

“No Ewen, shhhh, son,” Erwin said, tapping his finger to Eren’s lips. “They’re sleeping.”

“Sweeping?” Eren whispered.

“Yes, sweeping,” Erwin said, continuing to their destination.

The kitchen welcomed them with cold tile and shadows. A flick of the light cleared up the latter problem, though the former could be suffered through for a moment.

The kitchen used to be a sad place, a tense place. Memories of Hanji blending her food together to toss it out, as well as memories of whole nights spent at the kitchen table, making sure Hanji finished at least one meal still lingered where the light didn’t touch. Sitting in silence for such a long time where he used to just smile at her and never be able to get a word in edgewise had given him even more fortitude that adopting was the right thing to do, to help Hanji. Becoming a dad anyway was a risk he was willing to take, and was ultimately glad Hanji still wanted to be a mother anyway when he brought her to the care home today.

Now, Erwin could see his wife smile and have warmth in her face as she ate her food or as she ushered Levi and Eren to eat theirs. He’d seen it earlier when they went out to eat. That smile on her face made the wait and the worry worth it.

He smiled at their dining table, filled with a hope that it was going to be a happier place from now on. “So Eren, what are we hungry for?” Erwin asked as he headed to the pantry and opened it.

“Bwead!” Eren said. “Bwead?”

“Dunno about bwead, but yes, we do have bread,” Erwin said, shutting the pantry, sliding over to and opening the fridge. “Lots of bread. Wheat bread, white bread, dinner bread, bready bread.” Erwin said. “We might have some garlic bread, too, but that’s spicy.”

“Spicy,” Eren repeated. “Spicy, Danchwo.”

“Yeah, spicy.” Erwin settled for a happy medium and grabbed the loaf of whole wheat, tossing it back on the counter.

When Erwin shut the fridge and turned to the bread, Eren cheered at the sight of it. “Bwead!”

“Bwead,” Erwin cooed back at Eren, kissing the side of his head. Eren’s eye closed with the kiss, watching as Erwin opened the bag. Freeing a couple of slices, passing one to Eren, Erwin wrapped the bread back up and returned it to the fridge. Eren smashed the bread between his hands, opening his mouth wide to gum around the crushed together crust. He was a very destructive little eater, as Erwin realized at the restaurant today while Hanji chatted happily with their new children. Erwin simply folded his in half.

“Good bwead, huh?” Erwin asked around a mouthful.

Eren nodded. “Bwead good,” he said, his eyebrows furrowed as he tugged bits of bread from the slice with his gums and few teeth. Erwin rubbed his knuckle gently over the crease, and it relaxed as Eren continued to eat.

Erwin paused to take another bite out of his bread, but returned to brushing Eren’s crease away right after. “Let’s go find something to watch, huh?” Erwin asked as he headed out of the kitchen with Eren.

His slice of bread between his teeth, Erwin picked up the remote and settled on the couch, putting his legs up on the ottoman. Eren gnawed and gummed his bread to swallow-able mush as Erwin’s thumb and the channel button became well acquainted. It’d been a long time since he sat up and flicked through channels without much concern. Of course, he didn’t want to land on something obscene; Eren was still a baby, and he was certain he blocked all the right channels.

He doubted any children’s programs were on at this time of night, so he aimed for a family friendly movie. If only he could remember the channel; he knew it was up there in the three digit channels, so he randomized between three and five hundred.

“Nope,” he said, landing on the cooking channel.

“Nope,” Eren repeated as Erwin changed it again. A smile found Erwin’s face.

“Nope?” Erwin asked when they were on the racing channel.

“Nope,” Eren conceded, smacking his gums on the last of his bread.

“Nope,” Erwin agreed, picking something different.

He changed the channel once more, hoping to find it this time when the TV shouted at him.

“ _ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE, MOTHAFU-”_

He mashed the mute button; this was one of those surprises trying to sneak in and jostle him. Erwin had a mind to say nope, but Eren whipped his head toward the TV. “Wumble!” Eren howled.

He seemed genuinely interested in the monster trucks. But it was late, and monster trucks were well, violent.

“Maybe next time, Eren,” Erwin said as he changed the channel and unmuted the TV.

Eren protested. “Wumble, Danchwo, wumble!” Eren said, whining and fussing with increasing volume, that crease worsening the longer the monster trucks weren’t on the television. There was going to have to be a decision made. Taking the risk, Erwin hit the last button, and the fussing stopped.

Yep. Eren was going to need a sport.

Or a monster truck, as two trucks with wheels taller than their house smashed into each other, engines revving, death metal roaring in the background. Erwin turned the TV down to spare those in the back room from having to listen to the monster trucks and a vocalist ruining his throat, howling with his all about darkness and destruction.

Eren watched the TV intently, bouncing as the trucks crashed together, scorching mud with the tires and fire. Erwin chuckled and put his lips to the side of his little titan’s head, more entertained by the baby’s excitement for the show rather than the show itself.

“You like the trucks, Eren?” he asked.  

“Wumble, Danchwo,” Eren whispered. “Twucks wumble good.”

“Yeah, Ewen,” Danchou said, smiling. He offered Eren the rest of his bread, and, wiping the crumbs off his hand, put his thumb to the crease between his eyebrows, massaging it to a relaxed state as the monster trucks crashed on the screen.

As the hour progressed, Erwin got more interested in what was happening on the television, hissing when a truck got a particularly good hit to the side, chuckling as mayhem took place. He was about to ask Eren if he saw the green truck flip over on the TV, but he found the baby’s ear over his heart, and his eyes closed with an unwrinkled forehead.

“Time for sleep, huh?” Erwin kissed the spot between Eren’s eyebrows, figuring it was time for them to head to bed. “Yeah, let’s go sleep. Bunchou and Levi are waiting for us.”

Turning off the TV and making sure no other lights were on, Erwin carried his little titan into the bedroom where Hanji and Levi curled up together, Levi having turned over to lay his face against Hanji’s chest. Carefully Erwin crawled into bed, setting Eren next to Levi. Erwin draped his arm over his family, the image of them all cuddled together in bed the last thing he remembered before he too fell asleep, glad he made this decision to adopt. +


	4. I Could Get Used To This.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A four year old reflecting on his past tells you a few things. How smart he is, for one, and how much he had to go through up until this point. And how unused to he is to genuine, loving parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The forecast for this chapter is feels, with a high chance of Levi and Eren's previous parents being neglectful drug addicts/drug sellers, domestic violence, those same previous parents arguing so much the walls shake, and Levi growing up faster than he should've to keep his baby brother warm.

Levi wasn’t used to this.

He wasn’t used to the quiet in the morning un-chilled with foreboding.

He wasn’t used to waking up between two people who smiled in their sleep, Eren sprawled on his back with a smooth forehead, gently breathing. He wasn’t used to those two people opening their eyes and beholding him like he was as wanted as the sunshine, people treasuring him and Eren in their arms with fear of breaking either boy if they used too much pressure. He wasn’t used to his parents chatting away about pancakes and eggs for breakfast as they moseyed into the kitchen because that sounded nice, huh Heichou?

They did, not that he had them before. The same could be said about pancakes.

Levi wasn’t used to the warmth of a mother feeling like warmth, like security and like his cheek belonged on her shoulder. He wasn’t used to a dad teaching him about things around the house, or speaking to him without barking orders. He was used to mother’s touch feeling like an apology, cold, hard, and routine, most cases wet and suffocating because of the tears and the bony nature of his mother’s sorrowful embrace.

He was used to bruising his knees on the plastic seat of the bus, his fingers poised against a sweaty brow because his mother’s chin kept flopping against her chest while her eyes, half-lidded and whole-dazed held no life in them, as ragged as she breathed. He was used to pressing the yellow strip on the side, the beep reviving his mother as the bus intercom warned the passengers it neared a stop. If it wasn’t theirs, Levi mashed that button until his mother staggered to her feet and stumbled off the bus at one or the other. Levi gathered the thin bag of Don’t You Dare Drop That Shit, That’s Dinner and took four steps for her every two to keep up.

He was used to waking up in the wee hours of the morning because he had to help papa. Levi was used to carrying the Barney backpack packed with baggies of brown powder, barked at to keep up and not lose that shit because it was Dad’s Business, you Brat, Stop Asking Questions.

He was used to holding up books and asking what the words were and receiving grunted responses. He was used to watching TV and mouthing the larger words that the news reporter said, listening to his father huff and snort and degrade the anchor while chugging down a twelve pack before seven am. The only warmth he remembered came from holding his baby brother. Every touch else had been cold.

He was used to sitting in the middle of his and Eren’s closet-sized room, reading aloud by starlight and rocking Eren while the thin walls shook with the bangs and threats shouting down from upstairs in their parents’ room, convincing himself that the rocking was just for Eren, just for Eren.

It surprised him when the police broke down the door and busted the windows, detained and dragged his parents out of the house, kicking and screaming and spitting at him not to say anything, or he was a dead shit. It was a different kind of cold, sitting across from the detective in the room of toys too sickeningly perfect to be real as the man waited for Levi to speak.

“How old are you, Lev?” the man asked him.

“Ten,” Levi had answered.

“Is that the age your father told you to say, Levi?”

Levi swallowed.

“How old are you?” the man asked him again.

Levi answered quietly.

“Four.”

They were put into the system on the first of the New Year. By the second week Levi accustomed to waking up in the quiet of the care home, Eren across the room in a bed his own, but his brow still furred as he slept. Already used to changing his baby brother’s diaper, Levi got used to holding his hands as Eren’s knee faltered while learning to walk, but never hit the floor, because Levi snapped him to his chest before he could. Levi got used to holding Eren’s hand as they walked to breakfast, washing his hair as they sat in the tub with three other kids who giggled about bubbles, catching him around the waist if he waddled and war cried too far.

Levi got used to watching people pass him and Eren because Levi Looked So Mean, So Spiteful, and Angry to their hushed tones.

He was just protective, making sure Eren knew what warmth felt like under the guise that it was shielding Eren and not himself.

Then that man came again, the man with the eyes that perceived more than the mouth underneath them said.

The man spotted him after Levi boosted Eren up to tug the fourth month off the calendar, and after Levi ticked off the 121st day within the Wings of Freedom’s warm yet distant walls on his inner arm in black marker, the saying that spring was the season of beginnings stopped thirty days short of becoming a lie to him.

Levi wasn’t used to feeling nervous.

Eren took to the man immediately, remembering him from before. The baby rushed half constructed questions to which the man babbled back in such a manner that Levi worried Eren infected him with the speech impediment. It was just a worry though, because when the man talked to Levi, he sounded quite normal, his voice cleaner, kinder, and warmer than the man he used to call father.

The man, named Erwin, but had the two of them call him Danchou, and the woman he brought up but who couldn’t be there Bunchou, said he wanted to be their dad one day, that he and Bunchou couldn’t have kids, but they wanted to be a dad and a mom anyway, to Levi and his brother.

Levi wasn’t used to it, someone wanting to be his parent. He was used to being passed over, or forced to do things he was too short, or too small for.

He didn’t feel that way around Erwin.

Erwin would ask them questions during his visits, and Levi would be short in his answers to them. He still found Erwin strange, as quickly as Eren took to him.

“How old are you today, Levi?” Erwin asked, Eren poking Erwin’s face; testing the level of his reality, Levi put it.

“Still four,” Levi said, quietly, staring off to the side of the table.

Erwin said, “Four’s a strong age, you know.”

“I know. I carried the backpack and the groceries,” Levi said.

Erwin blinked. “Did you?”

Levi hesitated. His fingers clenched in his shorts as he tensed and shifted back into the cold seat. He nodded once.

“Oh,” the blonde man said, his eyes perceiving, delving into Levi’s words. Their strength and certainty faltered, and Levi found his knees, the corner of his eyes picturing where to make the next tick.

“You’re very responsible for your age, Levi,” Erwin said, his voice gone quiet too. “Very strong, too.”

Levi’s head had snapped up. He wasn’t used to praise.

So, he told the man more; he told him the other things he did in the house, like clean, and wash the dishes, and make sure Eren had a bath and clean diaper and a story before he went to bed, how he made sure his mother didn’t drool too much on herself as she passed in an out on the bus, and Danchou listened and nodded the whole time Levi recounted events. Though the man blurred in and out as Levi talked to him, and Levi blinked too much to clear his stinging vision, it took the man coming over to Levi, tucking Levi’s face to his heart and stroking the back of Levi’s head to make the words stop.

“You did well, Levi,” Erwin told him, “Very, very well.”

Levi burst into tears against his shirt.

Their meetings after that grew longer and more frequent, and Danchou regaled them with tales of his house, of his neighborhood, and how they would all go on walks, and rides in the car, and sometimes go with Danchou or Bunchou to work.

Eren would ask, “Bunchwo come?”

“Not today, Ewen,” Danchou would tell him.

Levi wasn’t going to lie; he wanted to meet Bunchou, especially if she was going to take care of them.

“Oh, you will,” Danchou said, bouncing a giggly, babbly Eren on his knee. “But as a surprise.”

Levi figured he could wait in that case; the surprises, in his experience, usually led to a better sense of warmth.

He no longer ticked days in but days until, and Eren tore off the months with much more vigor. They shared their bed, staying up and whispering to each other about Danchou and this mysterious Bunchou until sleep covered their eyes and willed them to it.

It was Levi’s birthday in December when Danchou gave them the news.

He had said, “One more week, Levi. Can you wait that long?”

“Maybe,” Levi lied.

“No!” Eren declared. “Bunchwo soowoon!”

“Exactly, Ewen,” Erwin said, and Levi awed at how Danchou would smile at Eren and touch his hair without grabbing it. “Very soon.”

“You promise?” Levi blurted, his face burning the moment after he said it.

Danchou turned his smile on Levi after that. “Promise.” 

The morning of the New Year, Levi spent the hour up to Erwin’s arrival washing the ink off his arm with Eren chanting, “Danchwo, Danchwo!” and Levi whispering, “Danchou, Danchou” in time with him. The marks disappeared, Levi’s arm was soft and pink and tingling under his jacket sleeve, but that could’ve just been the entirety of him, jittery with excitement, waiting on the promise.

Then it came. Danchou gathered them with a grin on his face, holding Eren and taking Levi’s hand. Then he brought them outside, into the January air. He brought them to a woman who looked like the breeze could blow her over, but she looked kind and like she didn’t take much care of her glasses.

“Hanji,” Danchou said, “This is Levi.” A lump was in Levi’s throat.

“And this is Eren,” Danchou said.

Levi wasn’t used to this.

“Our sons, starting today,” Danchou informed her in the gentlest of tones. Levi kept his happiness off his face. She looked thin, like her, she looked tired, like her, but she didn’t look at him and Eren like his old mother did. This woman’s eyes had life in them, and she looked at Eren and Levi like the two boys were her kids.

The lump worsened.

The woman crouched down as Erwin crouched behind Levi and passed Eren to her. Levi could tell Eren was excited; he took to her immediately, his eyes brightening, too.

“Hi sons,” she told them, touching Levi’s hair, a touch that had a lot more warmth in it than Levi would’ve expected. “I’m mom.”

He was told she was Bunchou, and the guy behind him Danchou. Levi looked at her, and he remembered everything that Danchou told him about her, and could tell, just from her words and the warmth of her hand, she’d wear the name mom better.

“Hi, Mom,” Levi said, the lump quaking in his throat. He had to say something else, something different. He had to scold her, to keep himself from crying. He gathered the hem of his shirt in his hand with a sigh. “Your face is dirty.”

She was crying, and Levi dabbed her tears for her. Even her laugh was warm, and the way she leaned into his hand. He wasn’t used to this.

“Then I’m lucky to have you to clean it, aren’t I?” she said.

More praise.

Her warmth came around him and tucked him close to her, and Levi could feel Eren laughing and sniffling against her, too. Levi protested as he hugged her back and cried.

It became a strange sensation he wanted around him often, her warmth; they entered the house Danchou told them about and it was warmer and safer than Levi expected, like Bunchou when Levi met her.  There were no broken windows, and no bottles on the floor, and there were no stairs up to clawed walls and holey doors.

They four put Levi and Eren’s things away in their new room, larger than the one they used to have, and watched TV together after, though Levi couldn’t say what they watched. He just knew it was nice. Both Danchou and Bunchou washed them and their hair, laughing and chatting with Eren and Levi, when he could manage words out of his mute awe that he didn’t have to do this himself.

Even after they put him and Eren to bed, Levi stayed awed, staring at the ceiling, not used to this nice warm bed, these soft blankets. So he went to find Bunchou after finding Danchou asleep, whom he was used to, and showed her that he could read, and though he complained about her sleeping on him, it was different than his other mother unconsciously conscious and slumping in his direction on the bus.

So when they went to bed to snuggle with Danchou and ended up they two before Levi went to sleep, to wake up to all four of them in the same bed warm together even in the quiet of the morning, Levi knew he wasn’t used to this.

But as he sat there at the table, watching his Bunchou cut Eren’s pancakes and Danchou cut his, Levi whispered to his pancakes.

“I can get used to this,” he said, his cheeks heating right after he said it.

“Hmm?” Bunchou hummed. “What was that Levi?”

Levi battled down his blush, picking up his fork. “I didn’t say anything, you’ve got dirt in your ears, Bunchou,” he lied. Danchou’s eyes perceived more than his silent smiling let on.

“Of course you did, Levi,” Danchou said. “Enjoy your pancakes.”

Of course he would. These things were warm and perfect. Like his new family, minus edibility. +


	5. Exercises with Bunchou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was better not to over-exert herself, but it seems Hanji can't help herself when it comes to her new babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double update; some cute to recover from the feels last chapter (for me too).

After breakfast and humming the alphabet twice as the family brushed their teeth, Danchou showered and dressed for work while Hanji and the boys relaxed on the sofa, where she took an extreme amount of happiness in knowing that Levi preferred to straggle on the couch rather than sit.

His legs were thrown over the arm of the couch, but even then one had yet to make it over the arm and rested on the little shelf of seat in front of it. His arms were lain on his chest as his head found rest on the side of her thigh. Eren followed after his brother’s example, sprawling out on his back over her lap so his brown hairs fluttered over his brother’s darker strands.

Instead of brining anything up, Hanji found her hands combing the strands both apart and back together. She took the remote into her hands to find something for them to watch as they waited for Danchou.

She had to swallow her heart, for it leapt into her throat as the TV yelled at her. 

_“ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE?!”_

Sitting up, Eren shrieked in happiness. “Twucks!” he said, rolling off the sofa, regardless of Hanji reaching out to catch him. He landed without an issue, catching himself on the coffee table. “Danchwo,” he called his daddy, “Danchwo, twucks!”

The awe washed over her. So that’s how he got the little titan to sleep. He slapped the coffee table with his open palms, bouncing to the death metal roaring like the monster trucks on the screen.

“Trucks, Eren,” Levi corrected. “It’s trucks, not twucks.”

Eren insisted it was twucks; it was impossible to convince him otherwise.

“Did you and Danchou watch the trucks last night, Eren?” Hanji asked, combing Levi’s hair. The volume was a bit much for her heart, so she hoped Eren wouldn’t mind her turning the volume down. He wriggled and bounced, mimicking the crashing noises with booms and shrieks.

“Twucks!” Eren said, as though it answered the question.

Erwin emerged from the back moments later, dressed for work, his bag over his shoulder. “Twucks again, Ewen?” Erwin asked as he stepped into the family space to fluff and kiss Eren on the head. “I’ll bright you a twuck when I come home, okay?”

“Twuck!” Eren said, turning toward Danchou and giving his shin a big squeeze. “Twuck for Ewen?”

Danchou smiled. “Twuck for Ewen, yep,” Erwin assured him, and Eren drew away, his attention caught by the trucks smashing together on the screen.  

Next, Erwin set his sights on Hanji, stepping closer and bending over to press a smile to each side of her face, directly on where he laugh lines slowly but surely regained their ground on her face.

“I’ll be home on time today,” he said. “Don’t over exert yourself.”

She knew he was concerned. After months of skipping meals and skipping sleep, among other non-lethal mistreatments of her body, she would worry about herself and make a point to remind her to take it easy as well.  It made her smile.

“Gotcha, Danchou,” she told him. He kissed her forehead before sidestepping to Levi lounging on the sofa.

“Come now, Levi, say goodbye to Danchou,” Erwin said, smiling at him.  

“Why?” Levi asked. “You’re coming back.” Danchou extended his arms to the sides, to which Levi raised him one eyebrow raise, questioning this whole enterprise.

“I know I just got out of the shower, but don’t leave me out to dry, Heichou,” Erwin said, wiggling his fingers. “I’m even clean.”

Levi entered a mode of analysis, narrowing his eyes in his scrutiny.

“I’m not kissing you,” he said. He already determined, “Kissing’s gross.”

Erwin smiled. “Then I’ll kiss you,” he said, taking hold of Levi’s sides and bending over to cover his cheeks in kisses. Levi protested and complained the whole time, but no one missed the way he leaned into each kiss and how his complaints were coupled with held back laughter when Erwin began to tickle him. Hanji watched and laughed, and tickled Levi herself. Eren tackled the sofa to get in on the love fest, and was brought up onto the cushion to be tickled and kissed, and giggle before Danchou left for work.

 

As the sound of his engine disappeared down the road, Hanji turned to the boys, Eren seated on her lap and Levi sprawled in much the same position he started in. 

“What should we do while Danchou is away, hmm?” Hanji asked them.

“Pway!” Eren said, “We pway, Bunchwo?”

It was a promising proposition; but alas, Hanji was two days into recovering from a year of mistreating her body; in a few weeks, maybe. But today, she was far too out of shape. Which was why, the other day as Levi showed off his ability at washing dishes and Eren wrestled a pillow on the couch, she sifted through a list of exercises that would be easy on her, but restore her strength. Taking their ease into consideration, her babies could participate with her, no?

“Let’s play,” Hanji agreed, humming and wondering how to phrase her game. “Let’s play Exercises with Bunchou, yeah?”

Levi sat up, his eyes glittering with his piqued interest. “Exacise wif Bunchwo?” Eren asked, screwing up his face around the syllables as though he ate a sour candy that kept sticking to his mouth.

Hanji rose from the sofa, giving the three of them more room by pushing the coffee table out of their way, opening up the whole of the living area to them.

“Okay,” Hanji said, “first we’re going to stretch up high!” Hanji said, raising her hands above her head, wiggling her fingers.

Eren mimicked her motions, stretching his hands up above his head and calling, “High! Stwetch high!”

 “Up, up!” Hanji said, laughing at her baby. “Reach for the sky, Eren!”

“Weach!” Eren said, dragging out the word as he wiggled his fingers faster to reach them farther. “Weaching! Weach!”

Levi remained on the sofa, watching with a mixture of awe and secondhand embarrassment. He shifted as though he wanted to join but stayed on the couch enough to not suggest that very same thing.

Hanji smiled at him. “Come on, Heichou,” she said. “Reach for the skies with us!”

“Weach for us, Heichwo!” Eren urged his brother.

Levi looked away as though the way into the kitchen was a more interesting part of the house. He propped his chin with his hand, his hand tucked in his armpit.

“I’m not doing that,” Levi said, “No thanks.”

Hanji whined. She wanted both her babies to stretch and be silly with her. “Oh, but Levi,” Hanji said. She pouted at him, her bottom lip poking out.

“Wevi,” Eren said, mimicking her tone, bounding so he stood in Levi’s line of sight. “Wevi, weach! Up, up!”

“Don’t wanna,” Levi said, looking the other way. Eren bounded back in his line of sight, wiggling his fingers above his head. This time Bunchou joined him, wiggling her fingers and bouncing from foot to foot as well.

“Reach, Levi!” she said. “Reach!”

She and Eren proceeded to call out reach and weach, begging Lei to join them by dragging out the words and wiggling in front of him. He turned away, and they bobbled back into his line of sight, wiggling and reaching, and trying to get his attention. Eren’s call out trailed off into a screech and Levi clapped his hands over his ears and screwed up his face to escape it.

“Okay!” he barked, his ears having enough. He flopped his hands into his lap and got up. “Okay, gees.”

He was sounding quite the unruly teenager already, and to Hanji’s amusement, he was only four. But alas, their silliness got Levi to join them, and Hanji brimmed with joy.

“Yay! Levi’s going to exercise with us, Eren!” She said.

“Yay! Wevi exacwise!” Eren cheered as well. Levi sighed and leaned his head back, imploring strength out of the ceiling.

“Alright, little ones,” Hanji said, dropping her arms and rolling her shoulders. Eren dropped his arms too, swaying from foot to foot, his odd colored eyes watching mama Hanji with expectant excitement. “Now, stretch up!” Hanji said, jumping and raising her arms up above her head again, wiggling her fingers.

Eren jumped and raised his arms as well, wiggling the tiny digits that were his fingers. Levi upstretched his arms and fanned his hands about, but that was about all Levi was willing to give.

“Come on, Levi,” Hanji said, “really reach. You wanna exercise, don’t you? Get big and strong, like Danchou?”

The mention of Danchou seemed to flicker Levi’s interest. “Like Danchou?” Levi asked.

Hanji grinned. “Yep,” she said. “Big and strong and tall!”

The way his eyes lit up at the mention of more height had Levi stretching like he meant it. The grin on Hanji’s face was explosive, and she stretched her arms higher.

“Reach!” She sang.

“Weach!” Eren repeated for her.

“Now we’re going to touch our toes!” Hanji said, bowing down and touching her toes. “Touch them, touch your toes!”

“Twoes!” Eren said, bending as far as he could to touch his toes.

Levi did the same, tucking his fingertips under his feet. Hanji smiled at him.

“You’re quite flexible, hmm, Heichou?” Hanji said. Levi looked up and then back down at his feet, his ears burning red.

“Not really,” he said, moving his fingertips from under his toes to plant his palms on the carpet. “I can stretch more than that, see?”

Hanji giggled at his enthusiasm; his voice hid it well, but his words made other points. “Oh, I’m impressed, Levi,” Hanji said, looking to Eren just as he rolled over into a somersault and bowled into her arms. “Oh, Eren! You toppled right over, huh little titan?”

“Ober,” Eren said, rolling to get up. Before he could, Hanji giggled and tickled him and Eren shrieked. “Tickle! Tickwing me, Bunchwo!”

“Tickle, tickle,” Hanji cooed at him, getting on her knees and leaning down to kiss his chubby cheeks. Eren giggled and shrieked in laughter, patting Hanji’s face.

“How’s that exercising?” Levi asked. Hanji looked up at him, her cheek to Eren’s tummy and nuzzling back and forth.

Hanji grinned. “Come here, and I’ll show you,” she said. Levi screwed up his face.

“Never mind,” he said, but before he could protest further, Hanji reached over with both hands, hooking them under his arms and swooshing him through the air and laying him down beside Eren. When she had both of them together, she kissed at them and tickled, blowing raspberries and giving them kisses. Eren giggled and tried to kiss her back, and Levi complained, but he ended up laughing anyway, because the tickles had become too much.

They spent the rest of the day rolling around on the floor, playing leap frog and having tickle fights.

“Leap, Eren!” Hanji said, laying on the floor as Eren rolled over her back.

“Weap!” He cheered.

“Your turn, Levi,” Hanji grinned at him. The ghost of a smile was on his face as he jumped over her back, Eren rolling over her the second time.

“Weap, Heichwo!” Eren said.

Levi huffed and jumped over Hanji. “What’re you doing, trying to take my turn, Eren?” he asked, though he sounded the least bit agitated.

After lunch, and cleaning up said lunch, the three of them played some more, and Hanji had to rest, having (almost, just barely) over exerted herself by time to take a nap.

They slept through the afternoon in a pile on the floor, resting into part of the evening, missing the sound of Danchou’s car pulling up into the drive, or the keys jangling in the lock.

Erwin entered the house to all three of them lying together on the floor, Eren cradled between Levi and Hanji. He smiled and headed further into the living room.

“I’m home,” he said, bringing the truck he aimed to surprise Eren with around from its hiding place behind him, setting it on the coffee table moved out of what seemed to be their play area for the day. He pressed a smile to each of their heads, heading into the kitchen to start dinner for when the three of them woke up. +


	6. Potty-Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Potty-Training adventures with Ewen. Also, keep little titans away from the nature channel xD

The Smiths predicted potty training would be an adventure. They planned to stick with Eren until the end of the line and beyond, until he made his very first potty break, and then follow up every trip after until assured Eren could manage the restroom on his own. Thus a week had passed before Hanji brought the new toilet in with her after her errands at the lab. Today being his flex day so he could stay home with the boys, Erwin hardly expected it to have so much character.

“Found a toilet to your liking?” Erwin asked as Hanji shut the door behind her and turned to him, finding a knowing look in his eyes. Levi looked up from the book in his lap the moment Hanji came in.

Erwin knew Hanji had odd tastes—she kept everything every doctor had ever pulled out of her, of course—and it showed in the strange, yet somehow silly face on the toilet. He hadn’t seen the actual toilet yet, but the box art was rather convincing of the contents.

“I did, I did,” Hanji said, grinning. “I think Eren will love it.”

Levi slid off the couch, crossing in front of Danchou and stopping in front of Hanji. “What is that?” Levi asked.

Shrugging off her bag and holding up the box the toilet was packaged in, Hanji showed him the box side with the name. He still looked confused.

“It’s a special little toilet, Levi,” Hanji explained. “A potty for Eren.”

That addled things further. “Why can’t he use the other toilet?” Levi asked, arching an eyebrow.  
“Is he too small?”

Hanji nodded. “Good guess! He’ll fall right in if he uses the big toilet,” Hanji said, setting the box on the ground and crouching in front of Levi. “You don’t want Eren to fall in the toilet, do you?”

“I don’t fall in,” Levi said.

“That’s because you’re a big boy, and you know how to use the big toilet,” Hanji said. “Eren doesn’t know yet, so help him use this one as much as you can, okay?” Hanji patted the box.

Levi looked askance at the toilet box, eyeing it up, considering it and considering his options.

“I help Eren all the time anyways,” he said, bestowing upon Hanji his pledge of service to the Potty Training Eren cause.

“Thank you, Levi,” Hanji said, patting his cheek and kissing his brow. He regarded her, touching his forehead. “I’m counting on you, okay?”

“Okay,” Levi said, turning his eyes away from his mother, hiding his sudden, sparkling pride.

Hanji simply smiled and pressed another kiss to his brow. “Eren,” she sang as she rose to her feet. Where was her little titan? “I bought you something.”

From her left Eren’s little voice roared, and he warbled a shrill war cry as he waddled over at intense baby speed. Where Hanji assumed he ran to her and aimed to pick him up, Eren shot passed her, his eyes wide, bright, and predatory as he tackled the potty’s box, and he pushed it over onto the entrance tile.

“Oh! Eren!” Hanji said, startled that he tackled the thing, worried he hurt himself. “Don’t tackle Mr. Potty, he’s our friend!”

Eren laid down on the box and warbled again.

“Eat fwiends!” Eren roared, gnawing on the corner of the box. Hanji circled her arms around the little titan and pulled him away from Mr. Potty’s box. Eren tried to pull the box with him, but Erwin came to Mr. Potty’s rescue and freed him from Eren’s mighty gums.

“Eren, we do not eat our fwiends—friends,” Hanji urged, shaking off his contagious speech impediment. Hanji turned to her husband for explanation. Knowing Eren, this was a new development of which he’d been practicing.

“He caught a few seconds of the nature channel,” Erwin explained, tucking the toilet under his arm. “At the wrong time.”

“Maybe we should turn on the parental controls,” Hanji suggested. Worried what else Eren could catch a few seconds of and learn from, she’d rather have those types of channels out of sight and out of mind.

“I’ve blocked a majority of the channels already,” Erwin explained, “Turning them on completely would block his favorite channel.”

Hanji inclined her chin, knowing which one. How many times either of them stayed up with Eren and the monster truck channel were many, a greater number of them collectively.

Hanji reasoned Eren would find a different channel to enjoy should his favorite channel be blocked, but even then, what was too much censoring and how much was too little? Eren wasn’t too destructive where the monster truck channel was concerned (he just roared a lot and pushed his truck around, and the roaring had been decidedly a normal noise for little Eren) so maybe it was just the nature channel.

“Let’s block the nature channel, then,” Hanji amended. “I’d hate for him to hurt himself, or someone’s animal or child.” As ridiculous as it seemed, Hanji fretted that if Eren watched anymore of the nature channel he might come home with someone’s small cat or dog.

Erwin nodded, able to see it, too. “Agreed.”

“Can I watch the nature channel?” Levi asked.

“I don’t know, Levi, are you going to act like the animals on the nature channel?” Hanji asked.

Levi screwed up his face. “Why would I do that?”

“Good question,” Hanji said.

Levi tugged on Erwin’s pant leg and pointed at the box. “Can I see?” Levi asked.

“Certainly,” Erwin said, moving the box from under his arm to show Levi the art. He scrutinized it for a handful of seconds before he decided on how he felt about it.

“It’s ugly,” Levi said.

Hanji pouted. “Boo, it’s cute,” she said, her sad face pointed at Levi. He studied the box again, studied his mother, studied the box, and then screwed up his face in offense.

“It looks constipated,” Levi argued. “You sure it’s a potty?”

“That’s just his face, Levi. Mr. Potty is a cute toilet,” Hanji argued back, heading down the hall toward the bathroom. Erwin followed, and so did Levi.

“He needs a face job,” Levi said.

“Levi!” Hanji said, astonished. “That’s so mean. Mr. Potty is beautiful the way he is.”

“He’s gross then,” Levi said. “Who puts a face on a potty anyways?”

Hanji paused. She turned to Erwin. He shrugged.

“Good question,” Hanji relinquished. Levi tilted his head up to the ceiling, as though imploring it for strength.

 

Eren spent the first five minutes crying about the toilet.

“No!” Eren wailed as Hanji held him, his eyes sprinkling tears down his cheeks and his hand in his mouth in his frustration. Hanji gently tugged it away, figuring real quickly that Eren bit himself when frustrated and liked to chew on his fingers, and brushed her thumb up and down on the wet, abused skin. The crease between his brows was taut, and no amount of thumb massaging would soothe it. Unable to chew on his hand now Eren pushed his head up against Hanji’s chin as much as he could, Hanji shifting so her chin didn’t jab him in the head.

All this time, Eren’s eyes pinned to the toilet.

“Why no, Eren, why no?” Hanji asked, feeling her own emotions well in her throat. If he was really terrified of the toilet, she’d return it. “We gotta learn to potty, so we can wear big boy underwears.”

“Potty no!” Eren argued, shaking his head, shaking out more tears.

“Oh, Eren, don’t worry,” Hanji said. “The potty’s here to help us!”

“No! Potty go way!” Eren demanded.

“Oh, Eren, why don’t you like Mr. Potty?”

“He’s creepy,” Levi offered.

“Shush, Levi,” Hanji said, her eyes still on Eren. Eren continued to cry.

“No potty!” Eren shrieked. Erwin knocked on the door.

“Should I intervene?” he asked.

“In twenty-four more minutes, dear,” Hanji said, sighing. She didn’t get it. Was she the only one who didn’t think this toilet was creepy? She needed a plan of action, something quick yet efficient. A strategy, on the fly.

“Don’t you want to wear big boy underwear, Eren?” Hanji asked, stroking his hair. “Like Levi?”

“Wevi?” Eren asked with a pitiful sniff.

“Yes, sweetie, Wevi—Levi wears big boy underwears,” Hanji said. “Even Danchou!”

“Danchwo, too?” Eren asked, picking up his head. Hanji attempted to massage the crease with her thumb again. The muscles relaxed under her ministrations.

“You like that idea, huh? Wear big boy underwears, like Danchou and Levi?” Hanji asked. Eren sniffed again.

“Yes,” he said, nodding.

Hanji mentally gave herself a breather. Stage one, complete.

 

“Why?” Eren asked, chewing on his finger as his multicolored eyes inspected his new toilet. His free hand held Hanji by her skirt now as he stood beside her in a shirt and pull-up. Levi crouched at Mommy’s other side, picking at his knees.

“Because, sweetie, it’s a part of growing up,” Hanji explained, brushing Eren’s wild hair with her hand. “We all have to learn to go potty in a toilet.”

“Why?” Eren asked, inquisitive or stubborn, Hanji had little say.

Hanji knew why, but tried to rephrase it in words Eren would understand. “So we don’t make a mess on ourselves,” Hanji settled for, not sure if that was complete enough, or good enough for Eren. He’d been asking why for the last twenty minutes. At the half hour mark, it would be Erwin’s turn.

“Why?”

“Just sit on it already,” Levi groaned, exasperated with this conversation.

“Patience, Levi,” Hanji reminded. Levi huffed a huge sigh and leaned against her heavily. Hanji pulled her smile into her mouth and shifted her arm to drape it around him. She could feel his ears heat up against her side and she smiled outright.

“Ready to try, Eren?” she asked her youngest.

“Twy pee?” Eren asked, scrunching his face. Hanji nodded.

“Yes, try pee,” she said. “Go on, sit on Mr. Potty.”

“Tay,” Eren said, padding away from Hanji to sit on Mr. Potty. He flopped down on the edge of the toilet. “Twy now?”

“Mm, not yet,” Hanji said, reaching over to bunch Eren’s shirt up and away from the line of fire. “Hold your shirt for mommy, okay?”

“Tay,” Eren agreed, taking his shirt from Hanji and holding it up to his chin. “Wike dis?”

“Very good, Eren,” Hanji said.

“How’s he gonna aim like that?” Levi asked. “He’ll pee on us. He’s gotta aim, Mommy.”

“Right,” Hanji said, giggling at being called Mommy. It was a rare occasion, and a celebratory occasion indeed. “Silly Mommy.”

After some coordinating on Hanji’s part, and Levi giving backseat instructions as the most recent expert in the household on the peeing business, Eren was poised to go. Erwin entered at some point when the half hour mark hit, watching with bemused amusement as Hanji and Levi coordinated Eren and Eren babbled back at them, letting him know how he felt he should sit on the toilet.

“Okay, all set,” Hanji said.

“Awll set,” Eren repeated. “Twy now?”

“Yes, try now, sweetheart,” Hanji said.

The waiting game commenced. Eren swung his feet, keeping himself pointed in the toilet.

“Did you go yet, Eren?” Levi asked.

“No,” Eren said. He screwed up his face, grunting as he tried to pee. Nothing.

“How about I stay with Ewen and you and Wevi see about some food?” Erwin suggested. Hanji turned to Levi.

“Sound like a plan, Levi?” she asked him.

Levi stood and stretched. “Yeah,” Levi said. “No tomatoes though.”

Rising herself, Hanji laughed. “Lucky you, we’re out of tomatoes,” she said. “You didn’t bury them in the backyard again, did you?”

“If I did, they deserved it,” Levi reasoned as he and Hanji headed out of the bathroom.

“Oh sure they did,” Hanji agreed. “Those mean tomatoes.”

 

“Something?” Erwin asked.

“Nuffing,” Eren answered.

Erwin gave it a few more minutes. He asked again, “Something?”

Eren shook his head. “Nuffing.”

Erwin sighed. First it was a task getting him on the toilet, and now it was difficult to get Eren off it. Hanji and Levi had started preparing lunch a while ago, and Erwin promised not to leave Eren in the bathroom on his own. Thus, he shifted from his crouched position to one laying on the tile in front of his son, propping his head up in his two hands as he looked at Eren.

“Something?” he asked.

“No,” Eren said, sighing. “Nuffing.”

Erwin hummed. A dilemma. “Wanna try again later?” Erwin asked.

“No,” Eren said. He hadn’t moved off the toilet since Hanji set him on it. “Twying, Danchwo.”

“How about we try again later, huh sport?” Erwin asked.

Eren screwed up his brow, humming as he gave it one last try. With nothing coming out again, he gave up. “

Tay,” he said. Erwin scooted back and returned to a crouch.

“Yeah, let’s try later,” Erwin said, hopping closer and tucking his hands under Eren’s arms. He lifted him up and then…

“Pee!” Eren screeched.

Erwin lowered Eren to the seat faster than he lifted him, calm and giving directive. “Aim in the potty, the potty,” Erwin told Eren.

Eren pointed himself in the potty, holding his shirt as out of the way as much as he could manage at the last second. His victory showed on his face as he made it.

Eren beamed at his Danchou. “I pee! I pee, Danchwo!”

“You did, you did pee, Ewen,” Erwin praised. Eren started dancing on the seat. “Oh, oh, wait until you finish, Ewen.”

And when he did, and they wiped, Erwin tugged up his pull up, washed all their hands, and bounced Eren triumphantly as they headed into the kitchen where Mom and Levi awaited them to celebrate the first time Eren made it in the potty.

Of course after lunch, when Eren had to pee again, he forgot to let them know and went in his pull up. As though earlier hadn’t happened, he was still upset with Mr. Potty and absolutely refused to pee in the character potty this time, so Hanji ended up washing it, returning it, and coming home with a plainer, less creepy toilet.

Potty training, it would be an adventure. But, they expected it, and they’d stay with Eren until the end of the line. +


	7. The Quiet Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, people under the influence, angry suburban moms, depression, disassociation, fear, self-depreciation, panic, bad days, mention of Eren chewing on his hands in frustration.

 

There were times where the boys had bad days, Levi more so than Eren. Hanji and Erwin figured it was because of their biological parents, a past of which occasionally reached for the boys and grabbed them whenever they got quiet.

With Eren, him chewing on his hands when frustrated was something Hanji and Erwin had some trouble learning to fix. They’d gotten a book, found it didn’t work, went with their gut, and worked with him to get through it. Levi helped where he could, as a big brother should, and now Eren did it less and less, learning not to take his frustrations out on himself.

With Levi however, how he dealt with where he and Eren came from was something a lot more difficult. Levi took pain and disappeared inside himself into a quiet place that, the more he did so, the more Hanji and Erwin worried he wouldn’t come out.

Levi’s eyes would grow vacant, every muscle relaxed but heavy, like even the slightest movements took too much effort. He looked to be turning things over in his mind, but they were things only he knew about.

“What’re you thinking about, Heichou?” Hanji would ask him.

“Nothing,” Levi would answer after a few minutes. “I’m tired.”

But he’d never want to go to sleep.

Erwin admittedly felt like it was a year ago, watching Hanji meander around in her own mind until she was home again, but now in the form of their eldest toddler.

There were times when Eren was down for his nap that Levi’d sit on the couch, or wherever he found himself sinking into silence and stare out at a plant, or the fireplace, or a program on TV he paid no attention to. Unmoving. After meals he hardly touched, Levi’d fold his little arms on the table and lay his cheek to them as he watched the wall, tired.

“I don’t know what to do, Danchou,” Hanji whispered from where she leaned against the counter as Levi sat on the sofa with his hands in his lap, disappearing again. “Mina said to distract him with interaction before he gets too deep and Annie suggested sitting with him and interacting as he works through it, or giving him the space.”

“We’ll try all of it,” Erwin suggested. “See which one works best for him.”

Hanji sighed. Just standing here, waiting and watching and thinking. It was painful. It made her feel useless, like a bad mother. Her first time with babies, and she was ruining it with inhibitions. She could protect him from other people, sure, but from his own darkness? He was almost six years old. How much this troubled her would always be an understatement.

“Wevi?” Eren called. He’d stopped wrestling his pillow. “Weeeeevi?”

Levi didn’t look like he wanted anyone near him, and the fear he’d lash out at Eren started in Hanji’s chest.

“Eren, you can bring your pillow in here, little titan,” Erwin suggested, feeling the same it seemed. Eren blinked at Danchou, then turned back to Levi. The little one clambered up onto the sofa, grunts of effort and all and sat right in his brother’s lap. He began babbling away, like he didn’t notice where he was sitting.

And whatever Eren was doing, it was working. Hanji’s eyebrows went up, her eyes widening with hope.

“I pway twucks, Wevi, twucks and fwight the piwwows! And gowu rah!! Like monstur.” Levi hadn’t moved, but Eren started playing with his Levi’s fingers, using his to make the ‘rah’.

“Rah, Ewen?” Erwin couldn’t help but question. Eren nodded and continued babbling.

“Twucks go rah!” Eren said, asserting himself.

As if Eren’s words were medicine, Levi eventually relaxed and snorted out a correction.

“It’s trucks, Eren,” Levi said quietly, playing with Eren’s fingers now, not as quickly as Eren had been, but slow, distracting himself. “Not twucks.”

“It twucks, Wevi!”

“It’s trucks, Eren.”

And there was their answer. Interaction. Hanji looked on with a little smile, tilting her head to the side. Watching as Eren continued to babble and bring life in his brother’s eyes, getting Levi to smile.

\--

Because they needed a few things for dinner, Hanji took her sons with her to the grocery store on her way home from work. Levi had been talkative in the lab, asking questions about what kind of things Bunchou grew there, and why ever would she grow such things. The ladies loved Eren, and Mina played with the idea of bringing hers and Annie’s little girl over for a play date.

As the Smith mom and her sons exited the car, with Eren on Hanji’s hip and Levi’s little fingers holding as many of his Bunchou’s as he could, a mother snapped at her child and startled all three of them.

The mom’s boy was being fussy, and she already looked at her wit’s end with him. Hanji flinched for the poor thing, even more so as the woman tugged her boy into the car and into his seat, slamming the door shut as soon as she had him buckled in. Ignoring his wails, the woman stomped around her car and heaved an exasperated sigh, eventually getting herself in the car and driving off.

“Mwean!” Eren called after the woman’s car as she disappeared.

“You tell her, Eren,” Hanji said, though she probably shouldn’t encourage his name-calling, and started for the store’s entrance.

Yet as she did, Levi didn’t move.

Hanji just noticed how tightly his little hand squeezed her fingers. It didn’t set well in her rib cage, that was certain.

She looked at him and saw him unblinking. Hanji called him, “Levi, what’s the matter?”

“Wevi, mattur?” Eren added.

No response. Levi stared back at where the woman’s car had been, where that woman had been, where she had yelled at her son and grabbed him rather roughly.

Though he still had her fingers like a vice, Hanji moved and twisted herself so she could crouch in front of him. “Levi?” She called him. Still, he didn’t answer. He looked more inclined not to. His lips however, flickered almost ghostly soft, forming one word over and over.

_Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry._

“Levi?” Hanji said, drawing him closer by the grip on her hand so he stood between her knees. His body moved but his head didn’t. His grip was so tight on her fingers, and his teeth had gone into his lip, pressing, pressing, breaking, bleeding.

Hanji tried again, taking a deep breath for herself, touching her lips to the side of his head. “Hey, buddy,” she said, a little too quickly for calm, “Breathe, Levi.”

He didn’t look like he heard her, but he did lean into her lips on his head. As she tried to get through to him, Eren wiggled out of her arm and stumbled toward Levi, his head thumping against his brother’s chest. It startled Levi enough to grunt.

“Wevi!” Eren said, in his loud little voice. “Bweeef!”

Slowly, Levi exhaled, and Hanji found herself doing the same. It was then that he started to shake, his teeth clattering as he looked solemnly at his brother, and then up at his mom.

“I’m sorry,” Levi said.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Heichou,” Hanji assured him. “How about we forget the store and order a pizza, huh? That sounds like a good idea?”

“Pizza!” Eren cheered.

“Very good, Ewen!” Hanji said as she picked him up. Levi didn’t expect it, but Hanji picked him up, too and bounced all the way to the car getting a giggle or complaint, or two.

\--

The following weekend, Erwin brought Levi and Eren to the park in hopes some fresh air would lighten Levi’s mood. He’d been having another bad day, one so quick after the last, and he seemed to enjoy the idea of going outside and tossing a ball around with Danchou.

He’d been doing well so far, jumping to catch it against his chest, and using all his might to throw it back. He almost had a perfect spiral after his first few throws, and Erwin made sure to praise him. It made Levi’s eyes light up with pride in himself. Something Erwin liked to see.

Levi rushed off into the grass as Erwin cocked his arm back, aimed, and tossed again in a fluid motion, feeling like a college boy again as the ball sailed with a perfect spiral. Eren warbled his little war cry as he rushed after Levi, who, for the first time in a while, had a breathless grin on his face.

Erwin might’ve been a little too into feeling like a college boy again, because he’d thrown the ball over his boys’ heads. It touched down into the grass some distance ahead of them and rolled in front of a man slumped against a tree.

“Too high, Danchwo!” Eren called.

“Lighter next time, I don’t know how to fly yet,” Levi said.

Yet? Erwin wondered. He chuckled, and let it pass. “Sorry kiddos, I’ll throw it lighter next time!” Erwin called after them. When the boys stopped running, Erwin’s smile faded. “Boys?” Eren moved closer to Levi, and Levi froze to the spot.

Worried, Erwin jogged over, hoping the man wasn’t too startled by the ball and two little ones running toward him before. How Eren gripped Levi’s shirt in his free hand after he’d picked up the ball made Erwin frown, and the cold of the breeze a lot more prominent.

“Boys?” Erwin called as he came to a stop behind them. He looked at the man, who grumbled incoherently, but not at his boys. “Excuse me, sir, are you…”

Erwin’s question faded. No, the man was not alright.

His arm slumped over his knee, the raggedy man had a heroine nod going, lolling his head down to his chest and dragging it back up, his eyes glazed over and lifeless, he was so high. His materials he used to shoot up were scattered in the dirt beside him.

And the boys gawked at him, taking it all in. Reliving it. Levi raised his hand, almost as if to reach out and push the man’s head up, like he’d done it before, time and time again.

“Come on, boys, let’s leave the man alone,” Erwin said as he gathered Eren and Levi up. It seemed to shake Levi out of whatever trance he’d ran into, and Eren laid his head against Erwin, suddenly wide-eyed and whining. There, in the middle of his forehead was the crease. Erwin kissed Eren’s forehead in hopes to put the crease off for at least the drive home, as he walked away in long, quick strides, heading straight for his car.

“I think that’s enough park for today,” Erwin said as Eren gripped his shirt and found his heartbeat instead of bringing his fist to his mouth. “Let’s see what Bunchou has for us for lunch.”

\--

“Levi, are you up for lunch?” Hanji asked, exiting the kitchen and turning into the living room. It was quiet, because Erwin was in the backroom, laying Eren down for a nap. After Erwin brought them home, Levi was already vacant and distant. Eren was as well, though the little titan just seemed ready to sleep off whatever upset him.

“About a couple hours in to the park,” Erwin had said softly, his thumb to the middle of Eren’s eyebrows and caressing in gentle circles. “Didn’t say a word the whole ride home.”

While Erwin soothed Eren, Hanji made to ease Levi into a nap as well, if he wouldn’t eat.

“Levi?” Hanji tried again, peering over the back of the sofa to the floor, where he’d come home and sat after he shed his shoes and jacket. Even then he had moved lifelessly, like a zombie.

She found Levi, wound tight and curled in on himself, a little ball tensed against his quaking. Hanji had never felt such empathetic pain in her life that struck her in the chest and sent cracks throughout her entire being. She’d left him just for a moment, and he collapsed on himself.

“Levi?” Hanji said, rounding the couch and crouching in front of him. She put her hand on his side and he flinched under her touch. Instantly Hanji drew her hand back and tucked her fist against her. That word again started pouring from Levi.

_Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry._

Oh how Hanji wanted to hold him and shush him and rock him until he was okay again, but if he flinched like that, just at a touch, she couldn’t. And it broke her heart.

“Levi, it’s me, buddy,” Hanji assured him, leaning close so he could hear her, but not touching. It seemed to ease his tension just a little. “It’s Mommy.”

“Mommy?” Levi whispered, sounding so small. Just as Hanji thought it was a breath of hope, a reason to touch him, he curled tighter. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Sorry, sorry, sorry-”

“Ah, Levi, it’s, um,” She had to calm down, she had to focus. Hanji took a deep breath. Mommy was a bad word right now, so she wouldn’t use it. So she used something else.

“Bunchou,” Hanji assured him, passed the brittleness in her voice. Levi’s apologies fell silent. “It’s Bunchou, Heichou.” Levi loosened just a bit. “The Bunchou who loves you, Levi. It’s Bunchou.” She choked back her tears, but she meant every word.

Levi never said a word. Simply unwinding himself, bit by bit until he picked up his face, he trembled worse now that he was loose. Hanji wanted to grab him now, and clutch him to her chest, but she had to be patient. So painfully patient. He shifted closer, his face to her knees.

“Wanna hug, Levi? Huh, champ?” Hanji asked, her arms aching to open up to him. She finally breathed as Levi gave her a little nod, followed by a few, shakier, bigger nods.

Relieved, Hanji scooped Levi into her arms and cradled him to her chest. His head rested over her heart and his arms curled around her, fisting in the sides of her shirt. Protectively, Hanji circled her arms around him and put her lips to his head.

“Breathe,” she reminded him.

And breathe Levi did. He started to cry. Burying his face in her chest and taking a deep breath, and he wailed. Hanji screwed her eyes shut as though she’d been stabbed, rocking him more ardently. Dovelike coos left her as she rocked him and stroked his hair.

He wailed in broken sentences, sometimes coherent, others that Hanji caught but bits of.

“Wh, why, why didn, didn’t they,” He hiccoughed and shuddered a sob, “they, they  _love_  me, mommy? I, I hate, hate them, B-Bunchou, I h-hate them!”

Hanji hated them, too. For putting so much pain in a little boy, for putting so much anger and hatred. She hated them for what they did to Levi, what they did to Eren. She wished those people to hell.

“I know, Heichou,” Hanji said, smothering the top of his head with kisses, her hands never stopping as they caressed warmth and safety into Levi’s back. He gripped her shirt and wailed all the harder. “I know, Heichou, I know.” She kissed his head again, and again. “You don’t have to worry, Levi. I love you, Heichou. Bunchou loves you. Bunchou, Danchou, and little titan. We all love you. You’re home, Levi. Safe, home. With Bunchou.”

The more she assured him, the more he relaxed and the less he shook. She held him with the love he deserved, fluttering kisses on his head and forehead with the affection he needed. Soon he had cried himself out and fell asleep against her, his ear over her heartbeat.

Erwin came into the room a while later, his hand sliding from her back onto her shoulder. Hanji looked up at him as he crouched beside her. Slowly, but surely, it was her turn to shake.

“I’m so scared, Erwin,” she said. “What if he doesn’t recover from what they did to him? What if he gets worse, goes down their path?”

“He’ll have his bad days and his good days, but we’ll love him just the same, and take care of him in the way he needs us to,” Erwin said, wrapping his arm around her. “We have to be patient and trusting.”

She agreed thoroughly. Hanji already loved him so unconditionally. But did it reach him? “I want him to have a good home, Erwin, a better home,” Hanji said, voicing her fears. “I know I’m not perfect, but I want to be something close, for them.” It was so hard to see Levi hurt.

“You’re a great mother, Hanji. Eren’s doing better, and Levi will, too. You’re not alone,” Erwin told her. He kissed the side of her head, his warmth working to ease her fears, using his skills of perception to tell her what she needed to hear. “And neither is he, or Eren. We’ll all get through this together. And just because you feel that way, you’re the best home he’ll ever have.”

Hanji sighed and settled her head on Erwin’s shoulder, holding Levi close without waking him. He sighed gently, settling against her like she was his favorite place to sleep. Erwin’s hand brushed over Levi’s hair in soft, affectionate strokes, and with a little smile on her face, Hanji hoped that together, they could always bring Levi home, to peace. +


	8. Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Smith family converges at the beach for some family fun.

Erwin thought it a good idea to introduce Eren and Levi to his brother, Armin and his family. Armin and his wife Mikasa had a boy about Eren’s age, and the more playmates the little titan and Levi had, the better they’d be when it came to school time.

It was by far the easiest to get in contact with Armin, since he lived close by. Because it was more plausible to get attacked by a shark than slap a finger down on a map and hit exactly where Hanji’s parents were on their quest to conquer the globe (or at least visit every major city of it), and also because both Erwin’s parents had passed, the only family close by to the Smiths was Erwin’s younger brother, Armin.

They shared the same mother, but different fathers; Armin was the spitting image of their mother, and Erwin took most after his own father. They were raised under the same roof, so the two’d always left the half- prefix aside, and kept in contact with each other. It was a matter of time, and after a quick phone call to set it up, the brothers decided to take their families swimming.

It was only a several mile drive to the beach, so the families would meet paths there. It was also unseasonably warm for this time of year, so it would be a fun way to cool off.

Hanji and Erwin packed their day bags with snacks, beach fun, and Eren and Levi’s necessities. Levi had hardly said a word on what he thought of the beach; he was probably trying to determine if he heard of it before, or if he ever saw one. Hanji made a similar face, thinking about her sparse trips to sand and ocean.

“I don’t remember the last time I went to the beach,” Hanji said, stuffing extra sunscreen into the bags. They bought a kind for Eren and a kind of Levi, and a kind for herself and Erwin. She remembered having drawers full of it due to something of a surfing binge in college, but other than that, her trips to the beach had been scarce. Hanji snorted. “Or if I’ve ever been.”

Erwin added another towel to the items to be packed. “We’ll call it you and the boys’ first time, then,” he said. Hanji smiled and Erwin kissed her head. She had to admit she was excited; the last time she saw Armin’s family Marco had just learned to walk. She missed them, and the sun would be good for her.

“Bunchou. Is the beach dirty?” Levi asked out of the blue, watching as Eren semi-hopped, mostly picked-up-one-foot-after-the-other around the room, chanting for the beach.

Hanji pursed her lips. “This one’s yours, hon,” she said, passing the Easing Levi’s Increasingly Apparent OCD torch to her husband. She had to get Eren before he skip-hopped too far.

Erwin took the torch with a nod. How could he phrase this? “Is the beach dirty,” Erwin repeated. He considered the question. Sand was kind of dirt. “Well there’s sand.”

“Is sand dirty?” Levi asked in turn.

“It’s nothing you can’t wipe off,” Erwin said, crouching beside Levi. He had a bottle of sunscreen, and he curled his finger. “Arms, soldier.” Levi outstretched his arms; Erwin coated his skin with the protective cream. Levi scrunched up his face at the texture. “Sand is a bit messy, but you can keep your water shoes on, so it doesn’t get on your feet.”

Levi’s eyebrows scrunched. “It gets everywhere?” he asked. “Like dust?”

“Not quite like dust,” Hanji threw in, capturing the little titan and carrying Eren to the bed so she could cover him in sunscreen too. Hanji roared lightly as she turned him over and laid him onto the mattress. Eren shrieked in laughter, reaching for his Bunchou. Hanji giggled, getting Eren’s sunscreen to apply to him. “It’ll be fun, Heichou!”

“Fwun Heichwo,” Eren added. “Wevi!”

Levi remained unconvinced. Erwin smiled warmly. “We won’t let you get too dirty, Levi,” Erwin said. He brushed a bit of Levi’s hair. “Or let the mean sand get you.”

Embarrassed, Levi turned away, his ears glowing red. “I don’t care,” he said, pouting. With a chuckle, Erwin pecked his cheek and earned several complaints about that.

 

Few families had their same idea; umbrellas bloomed on the sand as the waves rocked to and fro against the shoreline. There were several surfers challenging the waves away from the shore, riding along them, wiping out, or any combination of the two. There were islands of clouds in the blue sky and a cool breeze wafting off the ocean.

Eren’s eyes were glued to the sea. “Water!” Eren said, his eyes sparkling. Levi seemed intrigued with the vast amount of water, too. “Water, Danchwo.”

“Yes, Ewen, that’s water,” Erwin confirmed for him. Eren started to bounce in Erwin’s arms, chanting about the water.

Hanji, who had Levi’s hand, turned to look at him. “You see the water, Levi?” she asked. Levi glanced up at her and then back to the water.

“It’s big,” Levi said.

“Bigger than the bathtub, huh?” Hanji asked.

Levi agreed. “Way bigger.”

“Armin doesn’t seem to be here yet,” Erwin said, bouncing an excited Eren, who continued to eye the ocean with wide eyes. “We should set up camp in a good spot.”

Though there were few people here, a good spot still took time to find. Thus, Hanji agreed, picking up Levi and setting him on her hip so he could remain sand free.

As the family made to walk onto the sand, someone called out to them. “Hey there!”

The Smiths turned around to find Armin heading over, his wife Mikasa carrying their beach things while Armin carried their freckled son and his diaper bag. It was clearly her idea, from how easily she carried the two bags and the umbrella.

“Well, hi there,” Hanji said, shifting Levi higher onto his hip. “We almost started without you.”

“Sorry, we had a little hiccup,” Armin said, laughing a bit.

“Marco wanted to bring Jean,” Mikasa explained, reaching into the bag and freeing a stuffed horse from the confines. It had a rather pointy expression, even though it was smiling. Hanji reserved her judgements; she did pick the weird training toilet, after all. “So we brought the horse.”

“Jean,” Marco said, beaming with all of his few teeth. He reached for the toy, and his mommy passed it to him, cooing gently. Marco tucked the horse up under his chin and cuddled it with one arm.

Erwin came to stand beside Hanji, Eren looking over his shoulder at the ocean. “Surprised you tried to leave the house without him.”

“It was worth a shot,” Armin laughed.

“A bad shot,” Hanji said with a grin. “We have to bring Jean, don’t we, Marco?”

Picking up his head to smile at his auntie, Marco agreed. “Jean,” he said, almost reverently.

“Ah, introductions, introductions,” Hanji said. “Armin, Mikasa, this is Levi, our eldest. And the little one enraptured with the water already is Eren.”

“Hello, Levi,” Armin said with a smile. “I’m Uncle Armin. This is Marco.” Marco, from behind his horse, wiggled his fingers shyly at Levi. “This is your Auntie Mikasa. We’ve heard so much about you.” Levi looked as though he didn’t doubt it one bit.

“Bunchou talks a lot,” Levi said. Hanji pouted.

“Eren, would you like to say hi?” Erwin told their little titan. Eren turned at the sound of his name.

“Hi,” Eren said, instinctively. “I Ewen.”

Mikasa’s breath caught. From what Hanji saw, it was as though a switch had flipped, and Mikasa looked to be melting from the cuteness.

“Hello, little Eren,” Mikasa said, heading over to Erwin, shrugging her bags onto her shoulder and using both hands to lift Eren from his father. Erwin passed Eren to her, and Eren blinked, his eyes locked on Mikasa’s. Mikasa carried him as though he were fragile but far from willing to hand him back any time soon. “Hello, hello.”

Eren’s eyes fell to her lips, and he furrowed his brow, mimicking her mouth. “Hewo,” Eren tried.

It was not often that there was an uncontrolled smile on Mikasa’s face, just because she was a rather cool and collected person. “Hewo,” she repeated with a grin. “How cute are you, precious?”

“I Ewen,” Eren told her.

“Hi, Ewen,” Mikasa told him, cooing at him aimlessly. Eren giggled and squished her cheek with his own. Mikasa turned to Erwin, all but her eyes, which glittered happily, had returned to flatness. “I’m stealing him.”

Erwin laughed. “We get that a lot.”

“I’m serious,” Mikasa threw in.

“We get that a lot, too,” Erwin told her.

 

As predicted, Mikasa had kept Eren with her as they ventured onto the sand. It took Levi some coaxing to get onto the beach after he determined it was too moveable and too grainy for his feet to walk on. He much preferred to be carried, therefore he was.

Mikasa and Hanji took all three boys out to the water, while Armin and Erwin sat on their towels and watched.

“You know, when you told me you were adopting, I was worried,” Armin said. “Whether they’d acclimate to you and Hanji, that is.”

Erwin sighed, leaning back on his hands. He thought of how Levi had his moments where he just stared sadly off into space, unresponsive. Erwin thought of his panic attacks, where he curled in on himself as tightly as he could, as though it would stop the shaking. He thought of Eren’s forehead crease, his hostility. All of those things were easing as the days passed.

“It’s the complete opposite from where they’ve come from,” Erwin said. “But they’re getting along just fine. We’re doing what we can.” Hopefully, it would be enough.

“Hanji is doing better,” Armin pointed out. He smiled. “I’m glad.”

“You and me both,” Erwin said. He chuckled as Marco threw Jean into the water and watched the horse bob up and down. Eren had tackled it with a roar Erwin could hear all the way over here, and Marco, trying to mimic him but not with enough volume quite yet, tackled Jean, too. Mikasa, as graceful as she was quick, scooped Marco and Eren up before they spent any time under the water, setting Marco on his feet to go rush toward his Aunt Hanji, and holding Eren to her chest.

“How are you doing?” Armin asked. Erwin made a soft, confused noise. “Well, Captain America, I’m worried about you, too.”

Erwin chuckled. “Your wife does have a sense of humor,” Erwin said.

“It’s infectious,” Armin said. “Don’t dodge my question, Smith.”

“Far from it,” Erwin said. He watched Hanji play in the water for a moment. She had a smile on her face, dipping Levi’s feet into the water and pulling him up. Eren, free again from Mikasa, splashed through the shallow surf over to his Bunchou and tackled her leg, holding himself up. Mikasa threw her hands up a ways, signaling a goal. “As long as Hanji is happy, and the boys are happy, I’m doing something right.” It gave Erwin hope for the future.

Armin nudged Erwin’s elbow. “Should’ve known,” Armin said, laughing a bit. Erwin smiled to himself. “I was worried for nothing.”

 

While the parents switched who was on the shore and who was in the water, by some odd miracle Hanji managed to convince Levi to build a sandcastle with herself, Mikasa, and Marco. Eren had bobbled off after his Danchou, warbling his loud, titanic cry that startled several other beachgoers. Where Hanji assumed he was going to tackle Erwin, he had tackled Armin instead, and his uncle scooped him up, laughing musically with Eren’s shrill giggles.

Levi made faces when the mud got between his fingers, but he kept shaping towers and turrets with his hands. Hanji found he was very creative and attentive, following Mikasa’s examples so the parts of the castle he made matched those of his aunt’s.

“You’re doing a good job, Levi,” Hanji praised. “You too, Marco and Jean.” Though Jean was sitting in the moat, guarding it as their hypothetical alligator, Marco leaned against his mother’s thigh, pushing his handprint into the walls of the castle. He beamed at the praise. “He looks so much like you, Mikasa.”

Mikasa looked down at Marco. A small smile found her face, but there was much love in it. “He has his dad’s eyes,” Mikasa said. “They were bluer when he was born.”

“Is he going to preschool yet?” Hanji asked. With work picking up at the lab, and Erwin working his odd, uncertain hours at the precinct, it was either preschool or finding a babysitter soon. She hoped anyone and / or any place she and Erwin picked would be able to work with Eren and Levi. Levi was actually kindergarten age; it was almost time to enroll him in school.

“He’s still at home with dad,” Mikasa said. Mikasa, who was an engineer, so she made enough money that Armin didn’t have to work. Hanji remembered Armin saying that he’d rather stay home and watch Marco while Mikasa kept doing what she loved.  “We’re enrolling him in kindergarten when he’s old enough.”

“No good preschools around here?” Hanji asked.

“We never looked,” Mikasa said with a shrug. “Besides, Armin is having a ball teaching him at home.” Mikasa grinned a little. “You should’ve seen him when Marco learned the first half of the alphabet.”

“Levi knows his letters, too,” Hanji said. She smiled at Levi, who was picking mud from under his fingernails. “He’s almost ready for kindergarten.”

Levi scrunched up his face at the word. “What’s kindergarten?”

“It’s where you start going to school,” Hanji explained. “And you can learn new things.”

Mikasa watched Hanji for a moment. “You don’t sound ready to let him go, Mom,” Mikasa said.

Hanji laughed a little; her emotions were probably on her face. “It’s that easy to tell, huh?” she asked. “I know he’ll be fine. He’s a smarty pants.”  

“I don’t want to go,” Levi said. Hanji turned to him with a frown. She asked him why. Levi shifted on the dirt and kept his eyes on the mud he was pushing from under his fingernails. “It sounds bad.”

“Don’t you want to learn how to read, Heichou?” Hanji asked.

“I read with you,” Levi retorted.

“What about writing your letters?” Hanji tried. Levi shook his head.

“I write with you,” he said.

Mikasa interjected. “Sounds like you both aren’t ready for kindergarten.”

“Eren will be sad, too,” Levi said. Honestly, Hanji had thought about that as well. Eren had always been in sight’s reach of his brother.

“We’ll think about it more another time,” Hanji said with a laugh, fluffing Levi’s hair. Levi protested, dusting the sand out of his hair. His mommy apologized.

 

On the way home, after the families split and Mikasa had taken a number of pictures of a sleepy Eren and her sleepy Marco as well for science as she called it, Hanji waited until Levi had fallen asleep beside Eren before she brought up anything about kindergarten and preschool to Erwin.

“I forgot about that,” Hanji said, with a laugh. “I forgot I had to be at the lab so much, now that I’m getting better again.”

Erwin put his hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. “We’ll take it as it comes, Bunchou,” he said. Hanji looked up into the rearview mirror, seeing the boys lolling their heads toward each other. She smiled softly. There were good things about being a mother, as well as the difficult.

Excited as she was to have children, Hanji still felt it was too soon for her Heichou and her Little Titan to start growing up. +


	9. New Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fast forward, and it's that dreaded time for any parent. Time to drop off the babies at school.

 

 

The day had come for the boys to go to school, and Hanji took what pride she could in being more prepared for it than she thought she’d be. She had resisted it at first, resented the day as it came closer to time, but the next available February had come and Hanji had put herself in line to turn in her sons’ paperwork.

They couldn’t just put Levi into second grade, the registrar clerk had told Hanji when she inquired after it (with some persuasion and cheerleading from Armin), so he’d have to go through the proper levels and maybe do summer school to catch up. It had gotten away from her, since Levi insisted he was four whenever any passerby or random person in the store had asked after his age. She had started to believe it. Somewhere it had to be rude to ask someone for their age so much.

But Levi’s birth certificate had said otherwise. He would be seven this coming December, to Hanji’s growing anxiety about her boys growing up so fast. It would also be two years since Hanji became his mother. And school was a necessity, regardless of how many times she ranted to Erwin about the quality of the education system.

The registration process was nothing short of a hassle; the clerk had given her an odd eye for enrolling Levi into Kindergarten. She knew it looked bad; she had let another birthday pass before enrolling him, but she couldn’t help the deadlines.

“He’s six you said?” they had asked while going over the forms with her, their eyebrow arched high over their glasses.

Hanji fidgeted in her seat. “Well he’s my foster son,” Hanji had said. She had Erwin give her the proper information to put down beforehand. “We adopted him at age five and spent some time getting him acquainted with a new family. And he, err, he was in care with a younger sibling, you see. They’re quite inseparable.”

The clerk hadn’t seemed to believe that was a valid excuse; their eyes had smacked vaguely of scrutiny. Even so, they had dropped it in favor of a customer service smile. 

“Things get away from us, Mrs. Smith, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Hanji had more to say on that subject. She hadn’t liked the assumption that she was an irresponsible parent who forgot about kindergarten for a whole year of her son’s life, but she had supposed she should shut her mouth. How else could Hanji have said that Levi kept lying about his age and refusing to leave the care home without his brother, for fear of leaving Eren alone to fend for himself in a house of strangers?

“Any health issues we should be aware of?” the clerk had asked.

“Ah, well,” Hanji rummaged through her work bag for the papers, “we recently had him diagnosed with depression,” Hanji had said. She presented the IEP paperwork. “They told me it counts as emotional disturbance. He also might have an allergy to tomatoes.”

The clerk had repeated her words slowly. “Depression and a tomato allergy.” Hanji had felt the need to nod, so she had. The clerk looked down at the paperwork. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Hanji had merely smiled thinly. “It’s not as odd as you think,” Hanji supplied. “Some cases of depression start as early as childhood.”

The clerk nodded slowly, taking some time to file things away. Hanji smiled thinly.

Eventually they had gone through all the items on the forms and Hanji left before she had started fuming. Why? Because it was more of a release to fume in front of her husband, than become That Mom and set the tone for Levi’s schooling before he had even begun.

“She was judging me, Erwin,” Hanji said, stirring dinner with enough force to nearly slop it all over the stove. “I’m not a bad mother for waiting until both of them were school age, am I? Levi is finally okay with being six, and Eren can talk a corpse back to life-”

There was amusement in Erwin’s voice. “I’m not sure I like that analogy-”

Hanji raised the spoon and blew on it, offering it to Erwin to taste. “I had a worse one but I kept it to myself,” Hanji said. “But it took a long time to even get the IEP paperwork done for Levi and Eren both, and those are important accommodations.”

Of course, it was kindergarten, but the last thing Hanji needed was her sons being held back or condemned for having conditions they couldn’t much help. It was challenging enough to provide the proper care at home, but she’d much rather trust herself with her children.

Erwin hummed. “I’m sure it was just an odd story to her,” he said. “She can’t judge you if you aren’t already judging yourself. What’s the matter?”

Hanji paused. She looked over Erwin and into the living room where the boys were playing. Eren was talking in full sentences now, though not all of them made sense. And the baby fat was coming off of Levi’s cheeks. Barely, but.

Hanji felt a lump in her throat. “Soon Eren could give an entire dissertation on why green isn’t a color and Levi’s agile enough to be a soccer player,” Hanji choked a little sob and tossed the spoon into the pot.

“Hanji,” Erwin said, in that way, that soothing way that did nothing for Hanji but allow her to feel silly and cry. “They’re still your babies.” He hugged Hanji to him and she leaned against him.

It just felt so unfair. It felt like such a short while ago that Hanji was taking off work to bond with her children, using most, if not all the vacation time she had racked up while overworking to deter any personal thinking, just to learn about her boys as much as she could. To catch up on what time she had missed while they had yet to meet her.

“Did you know Levi likes horses?” Hanji said, watching Levi instruct Eren on how to tie his shoes. His deft fingers moved too fast for Eren, and the little titan was sure to complain about it. “We should get him one.”

“For his first day of school?”

“For his seventh birthday,” Hanji said. “So he can ride it to school and be the most badass seven year old first grader ever.” She buried her face in Erwin’s shoulder. She knew Erwin was laughing at her, in the way that he pressed a smile to her hair.

Hanji knew she was being silly; she used to make fun of those parents before she knew how it felt to be one.

At least she’d have a handful more months before the time truly came.

She decided to put this on pause for now, as reluctant as she felt about it, and went back to their dinner. Hopefully, she hadn’t ruined it too much in her outrage.

“Oh, by the way,” Erwin said. “Whatever you put in there, it really doesn’t go together.”

Hanji snorted and puffed out her cheeks as Erwin kissed her temple. “Bully.”

\--

Fall had come sooner than either Mr. or Mrs. Smith wanted. School shopping had been a summer long venture, handled in increments that Hanji could take. Mikasa had supplied a number of items for Eren from his backpack to socks and hair clips, and Armin and Erwin put their heads together to make sure Levi had what he needed. He seemed fond of band t-shirts, regardless of knowing the music.

And because of schedule conflicts, Erwin had been the chosen one to take the two to school. From what Hanji had told him about it, Historia Elementary was an elegant looking thing with lots of blue and gold around. The front was nice and trimmed, even down to the blades of grass. And in Hanji’s words, the security guards looked paid well to be there.

“Is schwool fwun?” Eren asked on the car ride to school. Kicking his legs against the car seat. “Wike being home wif Bunchwo?”

“In its own way,” Erwin supplied. He looked at Eren through the rearview mirror; Eren had maintained a tan Erwin was a bit envious of—they had enjoyed the outdoors a lot this summer—while Levi was still pale, considering he was more prone to sunburn. Funny, how siblings worked so differently. “You’re giving school too much credit there, Eren. Nothing’s more fun than Bunchou.”

“I want Bunchwo to come,” Eren said.

“She will, by lunch time,” Erwin said. That seemed to satisfy Eren in the moment.

“I hope it’s clean,” Levi said. “If Eren gets sick I’m leaving.”

Erwin understood Levi’s concern; Eren getting sick was nothing to sniff at.

“The school?” Erwin asked, teasing Levi anyway. He turned into the busy drop off point in front of the school, watching parents face everything on the spectrum of getting kids out of the car, from pulling screaming kids to rushing after them.

“This life,” Levi said. “He cries a lot when he’s sick and snots all on me.”

“No I dwon’t!” Eren argued.

“It’s okay to cry, Ewen,” Erwin said, laughing a bit. “And even more okay to snot on your grumpy brother.” Levi puffed, and Eren pouted defiantly, pushing his hand against his mouth Erwin saw in the mirror, but not opening his mouth to bite. Before he could remind Eren to put his hands down, the little titan had already dropped them to his lap.

Usually, Erwin would just be proud Eren was developing past his hand biting when frustrated. There was something else there now, an ache in his heart. Erwin dismissed it as the whole school thing infecting him, and would have to have a conversation with it later.

Erwin figured he should find someplace to park, to make sure the kids got in okay. Hanji was tied up at the lab today, so she couldn’t take off the morning to tag along and drop the kids off. She had stayed overnight again, and devastated was an understatement. Erwin tried not to think of it as a red flag, but he knew her coworkers were creative when it came to making sure Hanji took care of herself since the incident.

In his mind, this whole kindergarten thing had to just stand as a bump in the road. It was just the school’s procedure, to put Levi through kindergarten first; but, Erwin had his suspicions it wouldn’t be long before Levi had caught up with the rest of his peers.

And of course, there was Levi’s height. No one would really ask about his age, honestly.  

“Alright, soldiers, let’s hop out,” Erwin said, unbuckling. He sighed, the pattering nervousness in his chest making its swift return.

“Dancwho, you come in, twoo?” Eren asked as Levi helped him out of the seat.

“For a little while,” Erwin said, grabbing both of their bags. Levi pushed the door open and Eren jumped out of the car before anyone could stop him. Whether it was eagerness or just Eren doing his usual dangerous, impulsive stunt of the day, Erwin left that for later to discern.

He shrugged both of their bags over one shoulder and took Eren’s hand. Levi stuffed both of his in his pockets, so Levi’s decision about handholding in public today was made. Still, he kept close to Erwin, eyes flickering about and taking in their surroundings.

Parents headed toward the kindergarten building, and Erwin saw plenty of children crying the closer they got. Eren had an aversion to other children crying, and Levi was not fond of snot, even his own, so the crying children clinging to their parents were already a concern in Erwin’s mind. And adults showing any kind of frustration tended to trigger Levi, but not always. Maybe he was worrying too much. He had more than prepared how to respond if Levi or Eren went off to the quiet place during this new adventure of theirs.

He stopped them short of the building and crouched before them, giving them each their bags. “The day ends at noon,” Erwin said, looking them in their faces, one at a time to see any kind of distress. There was only hyper interest in Eren and mild boredom in Levi. “Bunchou will be around to pick you up for lunch.”

“Okay, Danchwo,” Eren said, swaying as Erwin tugged this and adjusted that. His beanie had slipped, and Erwin pulled it back into place.

“We’ll come get you if we need to,” Erwin assured them. He turned to Levi. “I know you already have your Done with This face on, but try and have a good day, okay?”

Levi shrugged, trying to hide his expression by looking elsewhere.

Erwin sighed and smiled. He wasn’t sure what else to say. Eren smiled back at him. All his teeth had come in, and he had a bright smile sure to break some hearts. And Levi’s ears had turned red, embarrassed by Erwin’s fatherly smiling.

“What are you staring for?” Levi asked. “We’re not dying.”

Erwin laughed. He wasn’t aware he looked that way. “I’m just proud of you two.”

“We haven’t done anything yet,” Levi said, although the usual flutter of happiness at that brightened his eyes.

“You don’t have to. Ready to head in?” Levi gave a small nod and Eren tackled Erwin, circling his tiny arms around him as much as he could. Taken a bit aback, Erwin tucked Eren to his chest with a laugh and rubbed his back.

“See you wayter, Danchwo!” Eren said. Erwin found himself reluctant to let him go.

“If anyone says a thing about how you talk, what do you do?” Erwin asked.

“Bite!” Eren cheered.

“No, we tell the teacher,” Erwin said. “But if some biting happens beforehand, it was arguably self defense.”

Levi snorted. “You’re a good influence,” he said. Before Erwin could correct him by saying he was the best influence, Levi rubbed his neck and looked toward the building. “I guess I’ll hang out with these babies for a while.”

Erwin fluffed Levi’s hair. “You’ll be fine,” he said. He kissed Levi’s hair and finally let Eren stand on his own feet. Eren took Levi’s hand, which Levi let him do willingly. Erwin watched for any squeezing, and found none.

He supposed that was his cue to leave. After a couple last good byes, Eren tugged Levi eagerly toward the building, babbling already about what they were going to do today.

Erwin watched them head inside and stayed a while as more of the children started to head in, some with their parents, others steeled for this new chapter and crossing the threshold on their own.

The teacher had come outside just as Erwin thought he should leave. He was short and baldish, with big hazel eyes. Erwin would have mistaken him as a student, if he didn’t know better.

“Hi there!” he said, smiling up at him. “Wow, you’re tall. Do people call you Captain America? I’m Mr. Springer.”

A funny man, Erwin thought. Nonetheless, Erwin smiled and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “Mine are the brooding one and the one who yells before he runs, but he’s fast. Did something happen already?”

Mr. Springer laughed. “No, no, my wi—” he paused to correct himself— “Assistant teacher, is inside with the kids and she hasn’t yelled for help yet,” Mr. Springer said. “Probably giving them more snacks than they need again.” He ran his palm over his head. “But uh, I just wanted to let you know they’re in good hands, and they’ll leave here with both their eyes. Promise.” Mr. Springer crossed his finger over his heart with a smile.

He must have been told prior about Eren and Levi. Hanji had said she told the registrar as much as they needed to know during the enrollment process.

Erwin managed to smile. “I’d hope so,” he said. “Me and Captain America only have our looks in common. I like to think I’m the better cop.” Mr. Springer seemed to get the hint of that, and his smile faltered, just a smidge. Erwin’s became more genuine. “Their mother will come by, but don’t hesitate to call if anything happens.”

“Of course,” Mr. Springer said. “Like I said, good hands.” He raised both of his to show him. “Me and my wife handle special needs kids all the time.”

“Thank you,” Erwin said, meaning it. Mr. Springer tossed him a salute and a grin.

With that, Erwin turned and left, and had a couple urges to look back toward the building. To head back and check on them, the deeper urges. But he pressed toward the car. The longer the distance became, the more unsure his steps felt. Erwin took a deep breath by the time he reached his car and slipped inside, pulling out his phone to call Hanji and tell her the news.

He stayed in his parking spot, watching the way he’d come even as Hanji picked up the phone.

“Well, they’re in,” Erwin said.

Hanji’s flood of questions came. “Did they cry? Is Eren okay? Did Levi pout. I know he pouted, why did I ask? How was the teacher? Has anyone bullied him yet? Are they okay? Are you okay? I’m not okay, so don’t ask.”

Erwin just smiled. “They’re fine, love,” Erwin said, hoping that saying it aloud would help him believe it, too.

“You sound so sad, Erwin,” Hanji said.

“No, not sad,” he said, finally starting the car. “Just off to work.”

“Alright. Call me if you need anything,” Hanji said. Erwin agreed and hung up.

He dropped his phone to his lap and kept his eyes on the sidewalk. This was an interesting feeling. Erwin didn’t think he’d be the one out of him and Hanji to have this feeling, of missing his children, knowing well enough he’d see them as soon as he got home.

He supposed it was time for that conversation, now.

And then look forward to the other one, the one about his sons’ first day in school. +


End file.
